mistakes men do in sex..

Imagine you're learning to drive a car for the first time. Someone gives you the vehicle owner's manual to read, and then hands you the keys.

If drivers were trained that way, no one would be safe on the road.

But it's a lot like how most guys learn about sex. You're taught the basic facts of life, then turned loose to puzzle out your partners' sexuality, and your own, by trial and error.

Experience is useful, but it isn't everything. Even guys who've had a lot of sexual experience with women still make mistakes that could be avoided with better knowledge.

So you don’t have to learn the hard way, what are the most common sex mistakes men make with women?.

Sex Mistake No.1: 'I Know How to Please a Woman'

Men often assume that the way they've learned to please one woman works for all women. Not so.

With every sexual partner you have, you do gain a growing body of knowledge of female bodies and female pleasure, But women's sexuality is complicated, and it's really individual.

Every woman's body responds in different ways to sensation, and every woman's anatomy is a little different. What feels amazing to one may do nothing -- or even cause discomfort -- for another.

That is the detective work you need to do each and every time, we really each have a sexual fingerprint.

When it comes to intercourse, one key variable is your thrusting technique: Does she like it fast or slow? Deep or shallow? Or does she like to mix it up -- slow and shallow at first, and then fast and deep?

Also, no one sex position is every woman's favorite. She may prefer a certain sex position for several reasons. Different positions allow various angles of penetration, depending not only on her anatomy, but also the size and shape of your penis. Differences between partners' body shape and height may make some positions better than others. And for some women, it's important to have face-to-face intimacy during intercourse.

Tons of women says, ‘I know missionary gets a bad rap, but I really like it.' Others say, ‘It's got to be from behind'. People are really across the board when it comes to positions.

 

Sex Mistake No. 2: "Let's (Not) Talk About Sex"

Most couples with sexual problems don't talk to each other about sex. Often that's because they don't have the words. Many of them don't know, or aren't comfortable using correct terms. For example, a guy might say "vagina" when he means the vulva. He may talk about "doing it," though it's not always clear what "it" is: Vaginal intercourse? Oral sex?

"A lot of work initially is just getting them comfortable with those words,"

If it's hard for your partner to say what she wants sexually, try asking specific, instead of open-ended, questions. "What do you like?" is an open-ended question that often doesn't get a useful answer.

"Do one thing, then do another thing -- and then say, 'Which one do you like better?'" "It's like a multiple-choice question. They don't have to write an essay. They just have to pick A or B."

Many men also think they should keep quiet during sex. Usually that's not a good thing.

"There are far too many people having sex in silence all over,"

Couples should give each other verbal cues during sex.

Using neutral prompts like, "harder," "slower," or "right there." (Same as directions you'd give to someone scratching your back.)

"Give really basic, clear information. You don't have to be a sort of master dirty talker,"

Dirty talk can be fun, too, , "if everyone's on the same page about it." And if you don't like talking dirty, you can still talk sexy without being lewd.

"Telling her you want her can be highly arousing and get great results," "But say, ‘I want you,' and not, ‘I want it.' That's the secret."

Don't hold back moans, grunts, and sighs. Sounds of sex are sexy, and a turn-on.

Sex Mistake No. 3: Taking It Out of Context

Often men forget that sex doesn't happen in a vacuum. A man may wonder why he's unhappy with the sex he's having, and not connect that with how he and his partner are getting along.

"You can't take sex out of the couple, and you can't take the couple out of the sex". "When you have sex, all of your relationship issues are showing up."

A woman may not open up sexually with a partner if she doesn't feel safe emotionally with him. "For many women it takes a feeling of being vulnerable to let herself be explored."

Your recent behavior follows you into bed with a woman, too. "She's still thinking about how you've been the week before, the day before, the hour before" "Foreplay begins the week before, when you take the trash out."

Men can also be clueless about timing.

"Very often I hear women complaining that, ‘My partner tries to initiate sex at the absolute wrong times, always”.

There's an easy fix for that, she says: "People let us know what they want all the time. I think we just have to pay attention."

A woman may literally tell you what she wants to do at various times of the day. If she doesn't mention sex, that might be a cue to wait.

Men also have to remember that most women need more time than men to become aroused.

"Men can get aroused quickly and get on their way," But for many women, the right time for sex would be when she isn't rushed.
 

Sex Mistake No. 4: The 'Get It Done' Mind-set

Men tend to think of sex like a mission!

They break it down into steps -- erection, foreplay, penetration -- aimed at achieving a main objective: orgasm!

That can be a mistake for a couple of reasons. One is that a whole world of sexual experience exists beyond the genitals.

"Our entire body can be utilized as erotic," "Look at the whole body as a map, and conquer all the territory."

"I know women who can have an orgasm from having their nipples played with," "There are women who love to kiss and make out. All of that is part of sex."

Another reason why it's a mistake to focus solely on orgasm is sometimes it doesn't happen -- even for men. At those times, people can end up feeling bad about sex that may have been good in other ways.

Some men get upset if they can't give a woman an orgasm.

"I hear from women a lot that they're already putting pressure on themselves to have an orgasm, and there's an added layer from their partner".

The women may say it's OK -- that they still enjoy sex without orgasm, and don't need to have one every time.

"But these guys don't believe them,", because they're locked in a goal-oriented mind-set. Their attitude is... Get that orgasm done!"

Sex should be thought of as a circular process, like a merry-go-round that you can step on and off whenever you like. "There is no goal. There's no such thing as ‘not finishing' or failure."

 

Sex Mistake No. 5: 'I'm All She Needs'

Many women are interested in using, or have used, sex toys.

"Sex toys [represent] a place where men's egos can really get in the way, and be bruised way too easily".

A man may feel threatened by a woman's use of sex toys if he believes his own body parts should be enough to satisfy her. Men who reject sex toys "walk away from a really big opportunity to broaden their partner's pleasure."

A vibrator can deliver focused, consistent, intense stimulation that's impossible for a human to provide. Many women need that kind stimulation to have an orgasm.

"That's OK," "It doesn't mean she's broken. It doesn't mean she's strange."

"Bringing toys into sex play, and making toys a couples activity, is really the new paradigm today". There are also sex toys that can stimulate both partners at the same time. "Embrace it, get used to it, and go along for the ride, literally."

 

Sex Mistake No. 6: Ringing the Doorbell

Most guys have a general idea of what the clitoris is and where to find it. But many don't know all there is to it.

"The clitoris is not this tiny button on the outside of the body, which is what most people think it is".

The clitoris is often described as being wishbone shaped, and much of it is internal.

The glands of the clitoris is the little "button" that you can see peeking out from the clitoral hood, at the 12 o'clock position on the vulva. The body of the clitoris extends under the clitoral hood, then bends back and branches into two "legs" behind the labia.

Below the legs are two bulbs of tissue that surround the urethra and vagina. The entire clitoris is tissue that, like a man's penis, swells with blood when a woman becomes aroused.

The whole body of the clitoris, not just the glands, is packed with nerves and highly sensitive. For many women, the gland is actually too sensitive to touch.

"Plenty of women don't want stimulation directly on the glands, like you're ringing a doorbell," Instead, they prefer stimulation on the internal body of the clitoris. Other women prefer indirect pressure or vibration that stimulates the clitoris through other areas of the vulva.

The majority of women need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. And most women are not able to have an orgasm by vaginal sex alone. "Penile-vaginal sex is an inefficient means of producing a female orgasm. That's what an engineer would say".

Sex Mistake No. 7: Compare and Despair

Many guys have unrealistic beliefs about how often they should be having sex, based on what they believe other people are doing. That can make them feel bad about themselves and unhappy in a relationship

"They compare themselves to their peers, and they are convinced that everyone around them is having more sex, and better sex, than they are". "It's just not true."

How often men have sex varies greatly by their age and relationship status.

That survey shows differences based on whether men were single, married, or had a long-term relationship other than marriage.

How often you have sex may have little to do with how satisfied you are sexually.

"People say, 'We have sex a lot,' or, 'We only have a little.' But when you probe further, what constitutes a lot or a little is wildly different.

And what you consider "a lot" or "a little" can change over time. Having sex twice a week might seem like a lot to you when you're single, and not so much when you're a newly wed. If you have kids and have been with your partner for a decade or more, it might seem like a lot again.

"We need to change our expectations and reframe how we think about this". "You've got to acknowledge that people change, the dynamic will change, and be OK with that."