(Due to a number of requests but also considering relationship trends and current life styles, I am humbled to bring up-to-date this article and will soon publish Swahili version of it-enjoy reading...)
When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.
It’s very easy nowadays to fall in lust and mistake that for being in love. And once that lusting desire is over, you fall out of love.
Most people, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment, are the ones that end up being in love with so many different people time after time. As soon as the chemistry goes, they fallout of love and move on to the next person they have chemistry with.
Chemistry is just the anticipation of sex. It won’t last forever. When you meet someone new, there is always the adrenaline rush, especially if you have things in common. Your body identifies with that person and once you are relaxed and comfortable with the person. Your desire to have sex with that person arises and that would end up to be a one night stand or several nights stands depending on how satisfied you are.
Making out with someone without having sex leads to a stronger relationship because it retains the emotions. The body is always pumped up and not fully satisfied thus the desire for more and more. The anticipation for sex is even much greater thus you have stronger chemistry. But once you finally have sex you release your emotions during orgasm. Each time you have an orgasm, your emotions are released and the desire for sex becomes less and less.
It always starts off as more and more once you start having sex with someone because your anticipation is higher, thereafter it becomes less and less because orgasms take up a lot of your energy. Relationships that are sex based have a shorter life span than relationships that are not sex based.
The other reason why people fall out of love is due to their expectations not having been met. When they fell in love, they had high expectations depending on what they wanted. But after some time in the relationship they discover that their expectations are not being met. Maybe they wanted someone who would compliment them and appreciate them, but this is not the case. Instead they have someone calling them names and disrespecting them. After they have had enough, they fall out of love with that person and move on to a different relationship with someone that meets their needs.
A lot of people are rushed into falling in love by their families. You find they are always being asked by their friends: ‘so when you going to get married?’ Have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend?’ Or: ‘look at that cute guy’, ‘oh, isn’t that couple lovely’. Or by stirring up jealousy: ‘John is so romantic, he sent me flowers to work’. Or by reminding you of a day of the calendar: ‘February 14th, Valentines Day’. Or by mentioning romantic movies ‘How sally met Harry’. Or by narrating fairy tales, ‘Cinderella, sleeping beauty, snow white’. These are all stories of girls wanting to be rescued by a prince and fall deeply in love with him.
So there is pressure for both men and women to fall in love.
The other reason why people fall out of love is mistreatment by their partner. When they first meet someone he/she is so good, so sweet and kind. But after some time they change and become abusive. They either hit them or swear at them. The person then can’t take this anymore and falls out of love and moves on with their life and find someone who treats them better. Nobody wants to be mistreated though some people will tolerate it for a while. But just because they tolerate it, doesn’t mean they enjoy it.
Guys especially, tend to be sweet at first and later change into mean ones. These guys that do, that are already mean but pretend to be sweet when they meet a girl and once the girl is attached to them, their true self is revealed, since they can’t pretend forever.
But not all guys are like that. In fact the majority of guys are nice throughout. Yet mean people make themselves more easily noticed and appealing than nice people do. Thus if you know the person’s ex-partner, you will have a better understanding of the person. But also no matter how nice a mean person pretends to be, there will always be a few elements that will give away their true nature but most people ignore this. They ignore it until it fully reveals itself. Then they wonder what happened. What happened is that you ignored the bad and accepted the good. And that made the bad grow and grow until you couldn’t handle it anymore then you got heartbroken or fell out of love and cried that the world isn’t fair. ‘The world is fair to those who play fair’. You can’t just ignore the bad and accept the good.
And last but not least the reason why people fall out of love is because they weren’t in love in the first place. There was no commitment; there was just the idea. The idea of being in love seems awesome but it takes work to stay in love. You have to keep doing good. You have to keep appreciating your partner. You have to keep supporting your partner even when the times are tough you have to hang in there and stick together and solve problems together and enjoy victories together.
Being in love is so much publicized that a lot of people go into it without fully realizing what they are doing. They don’t really know the true meaning of being in love. They think of it as a candy shop, where you walk in when there’s candy and don’t go there when there’s no candy. With being in love, you walk in when there’s candy (chemistry) and even when there’s no candy (chemistry) you still stay until the candy (chemistry) is back.
Chemistry doesn’t last forever but being in love does. Chemistry contributes to the relationship being exciting, but love sustains the relationship and keeps it going.
A loss of chemistry is normally due to other commitments that take away the time for sex or a change in appearance of your partner. All these can be worked out by spending more romantic time together. The thing you liked about your partner at the beginning of the relationship should continue throughout the relationship. Relationships are about spending time together. Most relationships end because of lack of this.
If people fall in love for the right reasons and commit to it and build their relationship and keep on spending time together and supporting each other, then they will stay in love much longer.
People have different upbringings and thus different goals and expectations. This is why when they first meet someone new, they want to get to know them and see if they are on the same wavelength. The more things in common you have with someone the better the relationship. Communication is the key to any relationship. Couples that talk stay in love and couples who don’t talk stay out of love’. Thus when you meet someone new you have to know them first. Before there is contact of the genitals, there should be contact of the minds.
Successful relationships are based on trust, honesty, love, tolerance, sharing and forgiveness.
Most relationship breakdown is normally due to lack of one or more of these things.
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