This is interesting. After reading this, you’ll never look at a banana in the same way again 

Bananas contain three natural sugars – sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fibber.


A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

 Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world’s leading athletes.
But energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.


DEPRESSION:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS:

 Forget the pills – eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.


ANEMIA:

High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia.

BLOOD PRESSURE:

This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.


BRAIN POWER:

200 students at a Twickenham school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.


CONSTIPATION:

 High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.


HANGOVERS:

One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.


HEARTBURN:



Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.


MORNING SICKNESS:

Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.



MOSQUITO BITES:



Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.


NERVES:



Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system..

 Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort foodlike chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.


ULCERS:



The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chroniclercases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.


TEMPERATURE CONTROL:



Many other cultures see bananas as a ‘cooling’ fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.



So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has FOUR TIMES the protein, TWICE the carbohydrate, THREE TIMES the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals..


It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, ‘A BANANA a day keeps the doctor away!’

CAN PEOPLE BE IN LOVE FOREVER?

Yes people can be in love forever. Being in love is meant to last forever. That is why people always use this phrase: ‘I will always love you’. Everybody wants to be in love forever. This is why people with commitment phobias don’t want to be in love. They don’t want to commit to one person forever. But what is wrong with committing to one person forever? You make better plans the two of you and keep building on your goals other than changing partners all the time, then you have to start afresh again and probably start new goals before you even finished the ones you had with the previous partner.

Also if you are just the two of you it’s easier to raise a family. It’s also easier for the kids. Starting one family then changing to the next and so on makes it hard for the kids.

Kids need to be brought up in a nice orderly environment. And it also means that the kids will have to keep changing mums and dads. One minute they are calling this person mum/dad, the next minute she/he’s gone and they are calling someone else mum/dad.

That is why relationships that are self-centered never last. If all you think about is yourself and your well being, then being in love isn’t for you. When you are in love with someone, their well being is equally as important as yours. Their happiness is equally as important as yours. Their security is equally as important as yours. Their support is equally as important as yours.

Being in love takes commitment. Without commitment, the love fades away. You just can’t sit back and say, ‘am in love’. You have to do something special for your partner and keep doing it. Simple romantic gestures such as filling the bathtub with nice herbal bubbly warm water, with candles all around, nice romantic music playing in the background, chocolates on the side of the bathtub and a warm towel. Then letting your partner go in the bathtub alone and enjoy it in private without you disturbing her or rushing to jump in with her. Give her some nice alone time to enjoy herself and feel appreciated. Afterwards when she’s through with the bathtub, she will reward you highly. Such things sustain the relationship and make being in love much more exciting.

Being in love is not just a feeling. It’s an act. Don’t just feel good about it, do something good about it. Being in love is a wonderful thing. Keep it wonderful by being wonderful to each other and the people around you.

4 TYPES OF LOVE

There is much confusion today on the subject of love because we are limited to only one English word (love) with a broad range of meanings. For example, if I said, "I love my wife, I love my dog, I love apple pie," obviously I am not talking about love in the same degree or definition.

In the New Testament period there were four major Greek words that were used.

Eros Love - A word that was not actually used in the New Testament but was alluded to. It meant physical passion; its gratification and fulfillment. The Greek word is probably not used in the New Testament because the origin of the word came from the mythical god Eros, the god of love. It is inferred in many scriptures and is the only kind of love that God restricts to a one-man, one-woman relationship within the bounds of marriage.

Storge Love - Storge is the natural bond between mother and infant, father, children, and kin. William Barclay states, "We cannot help loving our kith and kin; blood is thicker than water"

Phileo Love - Phileo love is a love of the affections. It is delighting to be in the presence of another, a warm feeling that comes and goes with intensity. The Bible encourages it but it is never a direct command. God never commands phileo since this type of love is based on the feelings. God Himself did not phileo the world but rather operated in agape love towards us. I cannot have a warm tender feeling toward an enemy but I can agape love them.

Agape Love - Agape love is God's kind of love. It is seeking the welfare and betterment of another regardless of how we feel. Agape does not have the primary meaning of feelings or affection. Jesus displayed it when he went to the cross and died for you and me regardless of how He felt.

In the gospels Jesus prayed, "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt". Jesus sought the betterment of you and me, regardless of His feelings.

Matthew 7:12 states it this way, "So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; for this is the law and the prophets"

We can agape our enemies regardless of how we feel. If they are hungry, we can feed them; if they thirst we can give them a drink.

We can choose to seek the betterment and welfare of others regardless of how we feel.

Jesus was the greatest expression of love that ever came into the world, but it is never recorded that he ever said the words, "I love you!" Why?

Because 95 percent of all love is non-verbal.

Jesus did not love with just words but in deed and truth (1 Jn. 3:18).

If your actions contradict your words, what are people going to believe, your words or your actions? Your actions of course.

Vine's Expository Dictionary states, "Love can be known only from the actions it prompts" (p. 21).

tolerance in a relationship...

UVUMILIVU: Msingi wa mwisho ambao ni kama muhimili hasa pale ambapo misingi mingine ya MAWASILIANO, MAELEWANO, UAMINIFU na HESHIMA katika mahusiano imelega ama inaelekea kuporomoka ama kushindikana kabisa.

A simple definition of tolerance is one’s capacity for or the practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs of others, and the capacity to endure hardship and pain.

Ever wonder how why there are relationships that last for a lifetime while your relationship is always at losing ends? There are a lot of factors that affects a relationship, however through research and careful observations, there is a factor that is not easily seen yet it is always evident especially when a relationship is at the power struggle stage to co-creation stage.

In connection to a couple’s relationship, tolerance is always a factor that is continuously affecting couples. It is not said much because the word itself connotes a negative impression. Another reason is that tolerance, most of the time, is misinterpreted as sacrifice for a relationship to work, however these small sacrifices can most of the time still results to break ups since the tolerance level of a person has already reached its limits.

No matter how romantic it sounds that in a relationship, two people are bonded as one, still we cannot erase the fact that there are two people working together to achieve a common goal; which is to be happy and to have a partner for the rest of their lives.

Therefore we cannot remove that fact that no matter how bonded a couple is, there are still issues of individual differences. The man came from a different perspective of experience and so is the woman. Thus in effect, there would always be some misunderstandings in the way and some habits that is not acceptable to the partner. This is where the level of tolerance comes along.

A partner at first would be able to tolerate small habits, gestures and acts of his or her partner. They would try to arrange it and talk about it. However at times, there are just some habits, gestures and acts that are really hard to change.

Thus, the partner must be patient in guiding and asking for the change that he or she wants. In here, the partner who is displeased is in the phase of tolerance. Slowly as they get to know each other, more and more additional habits, gestures, and acts; which he or she may not like, pushes into surface and adds more to the irritation and upset that he or she feels towards his or her partner.

At this phase, the level of tolerance is put into test. The person who is not satisfied with his or her partner slowly realizes that he or she is not the right person for him or her, in effect break up happens.

Based from this scenario, it can be synthesized that so as long as the person in a relationship who is displeased with his or her partner is still able to tolerate the habits, gestures, and acts of his or her partner; the relationship still goes on. However, when the level of displease already reaches the maximum amount of tolerance that a person can take, the relationship more or less would result to break up.

It is important for couples to take note that each one has the responsibility to know how your partner feels towards your habits, gestures and acts since this is one of the most aspect for a relationship to last.

Couples must remove in their thoughts and thinking the idea “if he or she cannot accept who I am, then that means that we are not meant to be with each other”.

Relationships have joys and responsibilities; on your end of the partnership, you must always be happy and responsible about those things that are happening inside your relationship. If only the both parties in a relationship would think this way, then the issue of tolerance would always be resolved which results to a relationship that would last a lifetime.

Remember – “Communicate, understand, trust, respect and tolerate”… be blessed in your relationships!

respect in a relationship...

Human beings crave intimacy, need to love and be loved. Yet people have much trouble doing so.

A healthy relationship commands respect. Unfortunately, most people do not understand this simple principle. Our tendency to disregard the feelings, concern and sense of importance of others tend to corrode our sound relationship with them.

But what is RESPECT in a relationship?

Consider the following scenarios:

·    We’re in conversation with others but we keep on enforcing your opinion, giving others no chance to express their viewpoints;

·    We found ourselves in an argument with the other but we refuse to listen to his/her reason;

·    We are angry with our wife and you yell at her in front of her colleagues;

·    We are angry at our husband and we let it out on his possessions;

·    We’ve become irresponsible about the sensitive information others have entrust upon us;

As you can see from the examples above, we give no regards to the sense of well-being and importance of the other. We did not care whether our acts will embarrass, hurt or disappoint—what we only care about is our own concern. The above-mentioned scenarios are just some of the things we do that shows our disrespect of others (be our wife, friends, colleagues, or anyone whom we’ve established a relationship). While our actions may be inadvertent, it still poses an attack to the self-worth of the aggrieved person; and as a consequence, miscommunication, misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict ensues.

From many sources and many experts, we have some basic rules of relationships. This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it's a start. Print them out and practice them in your life. I won't test you on them—but life will.

·    Give respect, and you will be respected in return. Deny respect and you’ll be despised. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship.

• Know your partner's beliefs about relationships. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. You don't want to fall in love with someone who expects lots of dishonesty in relationships; they'll create it where it doesn't exist.
• Don't confuse sex with love. Especially in the beginning of a relationship, attraction and pleasure in sex are often mistaken for love.
• Know your needs and speak up for them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, men as well as women, fear stating their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want and anger at a partner for not having met their (unstated) needs. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.
• View yourselves as a team, which means you are two unique individuals bringing different perspectives and strengths. That is the value of a team - your differences.
• Know how to manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable by product of the differences between two people.
• If you don't understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don't assume.

·   Accept someone as he is; don’t push him to be someone he’s not;

• Don’t judge a person by his outer form: this can give you a very wrong picture about such person.
• Solve problems as they arise. Don't let resentments simmer. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defences against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.
• Learn to negotiate. Modern relationships no longer rely on roles cast by the culture. Couples create their own roles, so that virtually every act requires negotiation. It works best when good will prevails. Because people's needs are fluid and change over time, and life's demands change too, good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time.
• Listen; truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And emphaty is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.
• Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn't happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn't an end goal; it's a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
• Take a long-range view. Amarriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you're both on the same path. Update your dreams regularly.
• Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
• Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadness’s as well as hopes and dreams.

Respect, respect, respect … mahusiano siyo mchezo! Watu wengi wanayachukulia "lightly" ndiyo sababu kubwa ya ndoa za siku hizi kutodumu!

Kuvunjika kwa Penzi?!

KWANINI WATU HUACHANA KATIKA MAPENZI? Wakati watu wanapoingia kwenye mapenzi, hufanya hivyo kwa sababu mbalimbali. Baadhi ya watu ni kwa sababu ya upweke, na wamekuwa wakihitaji kukutana na mtu ambaye wanaweza kuzungumza naye na kujumuika naye kwa kipindi fulani kwa namna ya undani. Ingawa wanaweza kuwa na marafiki, wanajiona maisha yao hayajakamilika mpaka watakapokutana na watu fulani. Na pindi wanapokutana na watu hao, wanagundua kuwa kwa hakika hawakumhitaji mtu huyo. Wanagundua kuwa wanaweza kusimama wenyewe. Walichokuwa wanakitafuta, tayari wanacho. Kamwe huwa hawagundui hilo. Hivyo, wako ambao wameingia kwenye mapenzi kwa sababu isiyo sahihi na pindi sababu hiyo inapotimizwa, wanajiondoa kwenye mapenzi. Ni rahisi sana siku hizi kuingia kwenye tamaa na kukosea kwa kudhani kwamba uko kwenye mapenzi. Na pindi tamaa hiyo inapokwisha, unajiondoa kwenye mapenzi. Watu wengi wanaojiingiza kwenye mapenzi kwa sababu ya mihemko na siyo dhati ya moyo, ndio wale wanaoishia kuwa na wapenzi wengi katika vipindi mbalimbali. Pindi mihemko inapokwisha, wanajitoa mapenzini na kwenda kwa mtu mwingine ambaye ana mihemko naye. Mihemko ni matarajio ya mapenzi. Haiwezi kudumu milele. Unapokutana na mtu mpya, kunakuwa na kutokea kwa kichocheo mwilini, hasa kama kuna vitu mnavyofanana. Mwili wako hujibainisha na mtu huyo na mara moja hujiskia vizuri kuwa na mtu huyo. Hamu yako ya kutaka kufanya mapenzi naye hutokea na hili huendelea kwa usiku mzima au kwa usiku mwingine mwingi kutegemea na jinsi utakavyojiridhisha. Kutoka na mtu fulani bila ya kufanya mapenzi husababisha uhusiano kukomaa kwa sababu hudumisha mihemko. Mwili wakati wote hupata misukumo na haitulizwi kikamilifu hivyo kuendelea kuwa na matamanio. Matarajio hayo ya mapenzi huendelea kuwa makubwa na hivyo kuwa na mihemko mikubwa. Lakini pindi unapofanya mapenzi hupunguza mihemko yako wakati huo. Kila wakati unapofanya mapenzi mihemko yako hupunguzwa na hamu ya mapenzi huendelea kupungua. Wakati wote huanza kwa kuwa juu zaidi na zaidi unapoanza kufanya mapenzi na mtu matarajio yako huwa juu, baada ya hapo huanza kupungua zaidi na zaidi kwa vile kufanya mapenzi huchukua nguvu zako nyingi. Uhusiano ulioegemea kwenye ngono hudumu kwa muda mfupi kuliko uhusiano usio wa kingono. Sababu nyingine inayowafanya watu kuondoka kwenye mapenzi ni kwa sababu ya kutofikiwa kwa matarajio yao. Wanapokuwa kwenye mapenzi, wanakuwa na matarajio makubwa, kutegemea na kile wanachokitaka. Lakini baada ya muda fulani wa uhusiano wanagundua kuwa matarajio yao hayakufikiwa. Labda walitaka mtu ambaye atawasifia na kuwakubali, lakini hili linaweza lisijitokeze. Badala yake wanakuwa na mtu ambaye anawaita majina na kutowaheshimu. Baada ya kutosheka, hujitoa mapenzini na mtu huyo na kwenda kwenye uhusiano mwingine na mtu mwingine ambaye hukidhi mahitaji yao. Watu wengi husukumwa mapenzini na familia zao. Utaona wamekuwa wakiulizwa wakati wote na marafiki zao: ‘utaoa au kuolewa lini?’ ‘Una rafiki wa kiume/kike?’ Au: ‘mtazame kijana yule mzuri’, ‘wenza wale wanapendeza’. Au kwa kwa kuamsha wivu: ‘ John anajua mapenzi, amenitumia maua kazini’. Au kwa kukumbusha siku ya kalenda: ‘Tarehe 14 Februari ni Siku ya Wapendanao’. Au kwa kutaja filamu za mapenzi: ‘How Sally met Harry’. Au kwa kusimulia simulizi za kuvutia: ‘Cinderella, Sleeping Beuty, Snow White’. Hadithi hizi zote ni za wasichana waliotaka kuokolewa na mwana wa mfalme na kuanguka kwenye mapenzi makubwa naye. Hivyo kuna misukumo kwa wanaume na wanawake kujiingiza kwenye mapenzi. Sababu nyingine inayofanya watu kujitoa mapenzini ni kutohudumiwa na wapenzi wao. Wanapokutana na mtu kwa mara ya kwanza huwa mzuri, anayependeza na mwema. Lakini baada ya muda fulani hubadilika na kuwa wenye lugha mbaya. Ama huwapiga au kuwatukana. Mtu hawezi kuvumilia zaidi mambo haya na hivyo hujiondoa mapenzini na kuendelea na maisha yao na kutafuta mtu mwingine atakayemhudumia vizuri. Hakuna mtu aliye tayari kutendewa vibaya ingawa baadhi ya watu huvumilia kwa muda fulani. Lakini kuvumilia huko hakumaanishi kuwa wanafurahia. Wavulana hasa, hujifanya kuwa wazuri mwanzoni na baadaye hubadilika. Wavulana wanaofanya hivyo huwa wanajielewa lakini hujifanya kuwa wazuri wanapokutana na wanawake na wakati wanawake wanapokuwa karibu nao, ukweli wao hudhihirika, Kwani hawataweza kujifanya tena. Hata hivyo si wavulana wote wana tabia hiyo. Kwa hakika wavulana walio wengi ni wazuri wakati wote. Bado watu huwa rahisi kutambulika wanapojifanya kama watu wazuri. Hivyo kama unamjua mpenzi wa zamani wa mtu utamwelewa vizuri mtu huyo. Hata kama mtu atajifanya kuwa mzuri, wakati wote huwa kuna dalili chache ambazo zitakuwezesha kujua ukweli halisi japo wengi hili hulidharau. Hulidharau hadi linapojitokeza. Kisha hubaki kushangaa kilichotokea. Kilichotokea ni kuwa ulidharau mabaya na kukumbatia mazuri. Na hilo limefanya mabaya kukua zaidi na zaidi mpaka kufikia mtu kutoweza kuyazuia tena na hivyo kuvunjika moyo au kujiondoa mapenzini na kuilalamika dunia. Dunia ni nzuri kwa wote wanaofanya uungwana . Huwezi kudharau mabaya na kukumbatia mazuri. Na mwisho japo si kwa umuhimu kwa nini watu hujitoa mapenzini ni kwa vile hawakuwa kwenye mapenzi tangu mwanzo. Hakukuwa na hali ya udhati wa moyo; lilikuwa ni wazo tu. Wazo la kuwa kwenye mapenzi hujitokeza lakini huwa vigumu kubaki mapenzini. Unapaswa kuendelea kufanya mazuri. Unapaswa kuendelea kumkubali mpenzi wako. Lazima uendelee kumsaidia mpenzi wako. Lazima uendelee kumsaidia mpenzi wako hata katika vipindi vigumu, lazima ujitoe na kuwa pamoja naye kutatua matatizo kwa pamoja na kufurahia ushindi kwa pamoja. Kuwa kwenye mapenzi na mtu hutangazwa sana kiasi kuwa watu wengi kujiingiza bila ya kuelewa kwa kina kile wanachokifanya. Hawajui hasa maana halisi ya kuwa kwenye mapenzi. Wanafikiri ni kama duka la bidhaa ambapo mtu huenda wakati kuna bidhaa na kutokwenda wakati hakuna bidhaa. Unapokuwa kwenye mapenzi unapaswa kwenda kunapokuwa na bidhaa (mhemko) na hata wakati hakuna bidhaa (mhemko) utabaki kuwa pale mpaka bidhaa zitakapokuja tena (mhemko). Mihemko haidumu milele lakini kuwa katika mapenzi hudumu. Mihemko inachangia uhusiano kuwa wa kusisimua, lakini upendo huimarisha uhusiano na kuufanya uendelee. Kupotea kwa mihemko kwa kawaida ni kwa sababu ya majukumu mengine ambayo huuchukua muda wa mapenzi au hubadili mwonekano wa mpenzi wako. Haya yote yanaweza kuondolewa kwa kuwa na muda wa kimapenzi pamoja. Kitu ulichokipenda mwanzoni mwa uhusiano kwa mpenzi wako kinapaswa kuendelea katika kipindi chote cha uhusiano. Uhusiano ni kutumia muda mkiwa pamoja. Uhusiano mwingi huisha kwa sababu ya kukosekanakwa tabia hii. Iwapo watu wataingia kwenye mapenzi kwa sababu sahihi na kuwa na udhati moyoni na mapenzi hayo na kujenga uhusiano wao na kuendelea kutumia muda pamoja na kusaidiana, uhusiano huo wa kimapenzi utadumu kwa muda mrefu zaidi. Watu wana malezi tofauti na hivyo kuwa na malengo na matarajio tofauti. Hii ndiyo sababu pindi wanapokutana na mtu mpya kwa mara ya kwanza, wanataka kumjua na kuona kama wako katika ngazi moja. Vitu vingi zaidi vya pamoja unavyoweza kuwa na mtu hufanya uhusiano mzuri zaidi. Mawasiliano ni msingi wa uhusiano wowote. Wenza wanaozungumza hudumu kwenye mapenzi na wenza wasiozungumza huachana. Hivyo, unapokutana na watu wapya unapaswa kuwajua kwanza. Kabla ya kukutanisha viungo vya uzazi, kuwe na kukatana kwa fikra. Uhusiano unaofanikiwa hujijenga kwenye imani, uaminifu, upendo, uvumilivu, kufanya mambo pamoja na kusameheana. Uhusiano mwingi unaovunjika hukosa moja au zaidi ya vitu hivi.

Best things for a relationship..

When it comes to love, relationships can be like cars: constant care and adjustment (instead of pricey and painful visits to the body shop/marriage counsellor) are often the best way to improve and strengthen your bond. One of O's staffers gets the lowdown from the experts on five fixes to start making now.

1: "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behaviour' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing It."

2: "Change from a critical habit of mind, in which you're very involved with your partner's mistakes, to a positive one, in which you catch him doing something right. Notice one small thing, and express genuine appreciation. That will change your interaction patterns from escalating negativity and criticism to building a culture of appreciation."

3: "When your relationship starts to break down, you need AAA: an Apology, Affection, and a promise of Action. You say you're sorry for what you've said or done to hurt or disappoint your partner. You immediately offer a hug, a kiss—some meaningful gesture of warmth. You pledge to do something that matters to your partner ('From now on, I will…'). And, of course, you stick to that. This whole AAA thing can take two minutes, but in that time you've healed the past, built a bridge to the present, and created hope for your future."

4: For women, "One of the greatest services you can do for a guy is to reassure him that he doesn't have to make love like a porn star. You can show him how to have sex like a woman: creative, sensual, non-genital-based, and more pleasure- than orgasm-focused. Lead him to an experience that goes beyond his penis and makes him fully engaged—mind, body, and soul."

5: "All relationships grow a bit stale as time goes by, and the longer-lasting they are, the staler they can get. The best thing you can do is pump in some fresh air. A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. When you get home, you'll find your relationship has acquired ruddy cheeks."

                                                          Makala hii imechapishwa kwa hisani ya Website ya Oprah.

HOW DO WOMEN FALL IN LOVE TO MEN?!

Do you honestly believe that there is some action you can take to MAKE a woman fall in love with you?

You’re RIGHT!

This is exactly how step-by-step women fall in love with men, and how you can rig the tables so that she falls deeply in love with you.

Hey man: you may not know this, but, to make a woman feel special and fall in love with you is easier than you could ever imagine. In fact, there’s one simple reason women fall in love, and it’s chemically hard-wired into their brains. (Not some fluffy romantic notion of love, either. This is real, hard core science.)

 You will never wonder how women fall in love again. Here is how women fall in love and exactly what you need to do to make it happen. What is the real key to how women fall in love? The rationale behind how women fall in love with one specific man is easy: Women fall in love with a man who “gets” them.

And I mean REALLY gets them.

Women fall in love with men who get them on a deep, emotional level, and they call this a “bond” or a “connection” between them. No matter what happens between the two of them, this connection never breaks. She never falls out of love, even if she tries to hide it. (This is why you see so many beautiful, amazing women stuck with loser boyfriends, or even in abusive relationships.)

So how do you forge this super-strong “love bond”?

Well, as I’ve just explained, this love bond happens when a woman feels a man “gets” her on a deep, emotional level. Trouble is, it happens differently with every woman out there, because no two women are exactly the same. (If they were, we’d have a formula for love, and some antisocial maniacs would run around “programming” beautiful women to love them, guaranteed.)

Understanding that each woman is different is central to how women fall in love. You see, making a woman fall in love with you takes a variety of different things – from the conversations you have, to the dates you go on… to even the sex! (You may not know this, but when your woman has an orgasm, she releases floods of the chemical Oxytocin directly into her bloodstream.)

This chemical fools her brain into thinking she loves you!) But the real “trick” to making a woman love you is simple. This is the biggest, easiest, and most important thing you must do, if you want to know how to make a woman love you: You must figure out what makes her unique, and then talk to her in a specific way that lets her know you “get” her on a deep level.

In theory, that sounds so simple, it makes perfect sense, right? Of course. Well, in execution, most men screw it up. Here are a couple of examples:

Mistake #1: Trying to bribe your way into her heart

Expensive dates… Bouquets of red roses… Vacations to her favorite, faraway place… These are some of the common ways men like you and me try to “bribe” our way into a woman’s heart. This doesn’t work – no amount of money can help you buy love.

This is NOT how women fall in love, believe me. “Well then, how are rich guys so successful with women?” I can almost hear you asking. It’s simple: Rich guys get lots of sex, because they can be flashy with their money.

But when it comes to long-term, lasting relationships, lots of very wealthy men end up very lonely. In fact, an even higher percentage of wealthy men have MULTIPLE divorces than lower-income men, especially when you factor in women who don’t love them, and only married them for their money.

So make sure that – whatever you do – you keep your wallet in your pants, and you NEVER try to bribe your way into her heart.

Mistake #2: Complimenting her too much

“You look great!” “I love that dress on you!” “Wow, that’s so neat!” “You’re such a kind soul!” On an average date, the average woman will get forty to fifty compliments from just one man.

That’s a TON of attention! For example, if you shrunk your normal first date down to just one hour, and included the time you two spend eating, every other sentence out of your mouth would be, “Wow, you’re so incredibly amazing!” (And this has never been the way women fall in love.) With all that flattery, how are you supposed to get to know her?

How is she supposed to get to know you? You need to cut through the flattery, and get down to “business” – finding out what she’s really like, as a person. And then, once you find out something she doesn’t tell EVERY guy she dates, your well-timed, appropriate, specific compliment will make her heart flutter a little faster. She’ll love you for it. Until then, try to hold back on the sucking up. It makes you come across as a much weaker man.

Mistake #3: Treating all women exactly the same way. Mistaking her for a different one of 8 types…

You may think you treat every woman as a unique person. I’m bet you can zero in even better with the guaranteed and scientifically proven strategies I’m about to reveal.

How many times have you said something to a woman because “women seem to laugh whenever I say this,” or “the last girl I dated loved it when I did this?” If you’re like me, your number is HIGH.

Sadly, this type of “treating women the same” disease turns a woman off faster than calling her the wrong name in bed. It makes her think you want her only for her body, or only because she has a pretty face, and not because of the woman she is, on the inside.

Knowing this, don’t you think it would be wise to get to know your woman’s “type” before you talk to her, date her, or try to take things with her to the next level? You know, her “type” – the things that make her absolutely unique and determine what you need to do to make her fall in love with you...

Mawasiliano katika Mahusiano...

                                                               

Leo katika tasfiri zetu nitaanza na tafsiri ya Umuhimu wa Mawasiliano katika mahusiano ambao ni msingi mkuu katika misingi mitano ya mahusiano ama ndoa bora.

Mawasiliano mazuri katika mahusiano ni moja ya suala muhimu sana linaloweza kusaidia mahusiano yenu yawe na mafanikio.

Siyo kila mtu anajua namna bora na makini ya kuwasiliana kwa kuzaliwa nayo, hata hivyo tunaweza kujifunza. Basi kama una matatizo ya mawasiliano mazuri katika mahusiano yako unaweza kujifunza kwa kusoma makala hii.

Ukijifunza mbinu za kuwasiliana kila inapobidi na kwa namna inayotakiwa utaweza kusaidia mahusiano yako kuwa bora na yenye furaha na kuepuka kubaki katika mashaka ya ndoa yako kuingia katika orodha ya ndoa zilizovunjika.

Mawasiliano hayana maana ya kuongea tu. Kipengele muhimu sana katika mawasiliano ni uwezo wa kuwa msikivu. Wakati mwingine ni hilo tu linahitajika, kusikiliza tu!

Mwenzako anaweza akawa anahitaji kusikilizwa tu ili kuweza kutatua tatizo ama kuondoa mashaka yaliyokuwapo. Kama utahitajika kujibu ama kuelezea kuhusu jambo fulani basi baada ya kumsikiliza mwenzako kwa umakini mkubwa wote wawili kwa pamoja mnapaswa kujaribu kujadiliana na kufikia muafaka wa tatizo husika.

Mawasiliano ni suala pana kwa ujumla, ni pamoja na maneno ya kutamkwa na mambo ambayo si ya kutamkwa-matendo ama ishara. Mbinu za mawasiliano makini katika mahusiano zinajumuisha namna zote mbili za kuwasiliana na kuziainisha kwa uhakika.

Tuchukue mfano, kama mpenzi ana hasira, anaweza akakaa amefumbata mikono kimya akikutizama tu bila kusema neno. Hali kama hiyo ni jambo ambalo linahitaji umakini wako wa haraka. Kama utanyamaza na kumwacha bila ya kufanya chochote utasababisha ajisikie kususwa, kutohitajika na kupelekea mambo kuwa mabaya zaidi. Kusoma sura na matendo ya mwenzako ni kipaji ambacho unapaswa kufanyia kazi vyema. Kinakuwezesha kuelewa mambo mengi sana kuhusu mwenzako anavyojisikia kwa wakati fulani na kugundua hata kama anadanganya.

Kama wewe ni mtu makini na mwerevu basi unaweza kugundua mbinu mbalimbali za mawasiliano makini kwa kutilia maanani tu mambo yanayoendelea katika mazingira uliyopo. Ni vyema kama unahitaji msaada zaidi ili kuelewa mbinu mbalimbali za mawasiliano mazuri ukahudhuria mafunzo maalumu au kusoma vitabu mbalimbali kuhusu jambo hilo. Hii inaweza ikakugharimu kidogo lakini thamani yake itakuwa kama dhahabu pale ambapo itaweza kukusaidia kuokoa ndoa ama mahusiano yako.

Mawasiliano mazuri ni pamoja na kutoa kipaumbele hata kwa mambo madogo madogo na kumwonyesha mwenzako kwamba anathaminiwa. Kumwambia asante mpenzi wako isiwe ni jambo gumu. Kuonyesha kuridhishwa na jambo fulani ni ukarimu wa kawaida katika maisha.

Usichoke ama kukata tamaa kutamka, “NAKUPENDA”, ama “ASANTE” au “POLE” ama muhimu zaidi "SAMAHANI". Maneno haya ni vyema yakawa sehemu muhimu sana ya mahusiano yenu. Kila mtu anahitaji kujisikia anathaminiwa.

Uelewa ama maelewano ni sehemu nyingine muhimu katika mawasiliano ambayo imeachwa bila kufanyiwa kazi. Tukisema bila kufanyiwa kazi ina maanaisha kwamba mara nyingi katika mazingira mbalimbali ya mahusiano, hayaulizwi maswali ya kutosha kuweza kuweka mambo bayana. Tunadhania kwamba tunajua kile ambacho wenzetu wanakiongelea bila kutaka kueleweshwa vizuri zaidi. Kudhania mara nyingi kutakupeleka katika matatizo. Hivyo hakikisha unaelewa kwa uhakika ni nini kinaongelewa. Kama huelewi, uliza maswali hadi pale kila kitu kitakapokuwa wazi na kueleweka.

Ushauri bora kwa suala hili ni kujifunza, kujaribu, kujaribu na kujaribu. Jifunze mbinu za mawasiliano bora na makini katika mahusiano na kufanyia majaribio kila siku. Baada ya muda yatakuwa kama asili yako na hutapata tabu tena ya kufikiria namna ya kuwasiliana.

Kumbuka, bila juhudi na kujitolea kuwa na mawasiliano makini na bora katika mahusiano, mahusiano hayo ni sawa na mahusiano-yaliyokufa!

Anza sasa kuwasiliana ipasavyo… na jenga mahusiano/ndoa bora!