As a woman, you are attracted to very
different things than you are as a girl.
A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is
attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person.
I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people
regardless of their age will never really grow up. You can switch the genders
in this post and most points would likely still apply.
If you are a girl (lack independence, are
ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome,
don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own)
then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman
(independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral
compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity
dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot
the difference just yet, here are some pointers.
1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for
it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too
much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy
is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is
working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a
family (at some point in his life) or another purpose or passion. A boy lives
only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit
up on the weekend.
Note: Many
mature men still don't know what they want. But a mature man takes
responsibility for that (here, let's define maturity as the ability to express
love - and love as the ability to sacrifice unselfishly). He does what he must
to provide for himself and his family. He might not have himself or his life figured
out, but he knows he must be mature if he chooses to be a provider and the kind
of leader others can depend on. Becoming mature is a choice, not a by-product.
3. A man looks for a woman with
intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of
values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot,
wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets
one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if
you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
Note: A
mature man is seeking a partner who will be an appropriate and compatible
life-long partner. Will she be a good wife for me and a good mother to our
children? Will she be a person of love? The question is not, "Am I good
enough for her?" or "Is she good enough for me?" Rather, the
question should be, "Will we love each other and are we a good fit?"
He understands that they'll "be in this together," for the rest of
their lives. He better be ready to put her desires and needs above his own. And
vice-versa. This is what's required from both partners if a marriage is to be
healthy and successful. When we couples decide to get married only because we
see it as the next step after a period of dating or because "we're in
love," I believe we're setting ourselves up for problems.
5. A man has the courage to have
uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people
know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious
talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it
or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a
relationship.
6. A man knows when to invest in a woman
and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit
because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a
boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of
life he is in.
Note: A
mature man understands the importance of honesty, openness, and clear
communication. This is the only way both partners can find satisfaction in a
relationship. A boy isn't ready for such a relationship. He's still playing.
Does this mean he's a bad person? No. It's just that he's still a kid. He's
still learning.
7.
A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy
making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is still getting
drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
Note: A
mature man has the experience to understand that a rhythm of work and play is
necessary. Work hard but we need to take some days away to "sharpen the
axe." No one who loves the work they do, and sees their own financial
success, enjoys taking time off. But it's necessary to stay balanced. As for
the boy, he’ll be more interested in punching the clock and looking forward to
the weekend. Long-term planning isn’t a top priority.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the
type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for
his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his
moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he
says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises.
And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but
doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will
put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so
that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to
know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere
boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning
is this:
11. A boy plays mind games. A man doesn’t.
Note: As you
grown older, some things have proven true over and over through observations
and experience. If you want a man to become mature, he must be given
responsibilities and he must learn to love. This requires life experience, but
most importantly, it takes the boy willing to decide to become mature.
What about you? What has been your
observations and experiences in the differences between men or boys or what
makes someone mature?
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