why do people fall in love?!

 

There are a number of reasons why people fall in love. Some people fall in love for the right reasons. Others do it out of lack of confidence. They do not want to be alone, which is not a good enough reason. We’ll look at the two grounds: the right reason and the wrong reason.

1. Right reasons

Here, people fall in love because they want to offer someone something good that they have. They want to be with someone not as to depend on him or her but to share their life with them. They have something good to offer and they want something good in return. They want to spend time with someone not because they are scared to be alone but because they enjoy the other person’s company. They are not in the relationship with closed eyes but open eyes. They can see all; the good and bad happening, and they are ignoring the bad because they are scared to be alone, or because they feel embarrassed that it’s happening to them.

Being in love is about giving and receiving what is good. Please, underline the word good. Most people miss this point. A lot of people love the idea of being in love but not the actual fact. If many people understand the real reason of being in love and what being in love is, there would be less divorce, heartbreaks, suicides, violence and anything else that is related to bad breakups or bad relationships.

How can you tell someone you love him or her when you cheating on him or her. How can you tell someone that you love him or her when you can’t even stand the way he or she treats you.

How can you say that you are in love when you always fight? How can you say that you are in love when you don’t have the same goals? He wants to have children and you don’t to have children. The relationship is doomed from the start. You are only together because you don’t want to be alone. You love the idea of being in love but you are not actually living it. You can’t be in love if you are not in love.

The other reason why people fall in love is because people like to be treated nicely. They like to live in a good environment and be with people who know and understand them. In essence love does fulfil this. You can get this kind of environment from your family or friends or strangers but it is not within a time frame. It can end anytime and also family, friends and strangers won’t always have time for you. They have their own lives to live. So as much as they love you, they can’t guarantee that they will always here for you.

People also have sexual needs and thus they also want to be in an environment where that need, will be met when necessary. Thus, being in love ‘guarantees’ both of this: the niceness and the sex. Thus a person is free to do whatever he or she wants, knowing that he or she have someone who cares for their person and is ‘always’ there for him or for her physically, emotionally and sexually. This is the ultimate human desire and every human being seeks to achieve this point of their life (being in love).

Most of the time, this has been achieved through heterosexual relationships and in a few cases, which is now becoming many and common, through same sex relationships.

People in same sex relationships can equally be in love just as much as people in heterosexual relationships.

Because being in love is about assurance. Whoever gives you the assurance is the one you fall in love with. It even makes it easier if you have a lot in common.

A twenty-years old girl can fall in love with a sixty-years old man and vice versa. And it has happened in a lot of cases where people with a big age gap have fallen in love.Anyone can fall in love but not all do it for the right reasons.


2. Wrong reasons

There are a lot of people who fall in love for the wrong reasons and because of this, they can’t be in love. Being in love is a wonderful thing and some people just like the idea of it.

But in order to be in love, you have to be in love with someone. And this is where the trouble arises. Because some people love the idea of being in love so much, they end up falling in love with the first person that is a little bit nice to them.

They don’t take their time to know the person. And even if the person shows signs of hurting them in the future, they ignore the signs. They are more concerned about being with someone, than being with someone who really loves and cares about them. It takes a long time to know a really good person but it only takes a short time to know a bad person.

A good person is there but you just don’t notice because you are too busy looking everywhere else other than next to you. A bad person is at a far distance, all you have to do is look up and they will come over to you. A lot of people (girls especially) are scared of being alone. Thus they always end up falling for the wrong person because their logic mind is clouded with the desire to be with someone, anybody that shows interest in them.

They don’t assess the person. All they care about is that he/she doesn’t come on to strongly. They don’t care about his looks, what he does for a living, his interests and future plans. We are constantly told not to worry about these things; looks, money etc. But if you are going to commit to someone, you will have to do so knowing how, the lack of or having these things will affect your relationship in the future.

Most relationships end because people change their minds. For example, they hook up with someone without money and they don’t have money either. It seems good at first with all the love and sex but you have to survive as well. And so when the times get tough, they pull out of the relationship. They can’t handle having no money and this leads to them to do more worrying and struggling than loving and enjoying life.

I should point out that there are a lot of people who have had successful relationships with only a little bit of money. Money isn’t everything to those who can live without it.

In another case, someone would go out with a fairly unattractive person because they don’t want to be alone. They ignore the unattractiveness instead of accepting it. The relationship is good at first because of all the adrenaline of being with someone new and the sex offered. Thereafter, the adrenaline goes down and they are forced to look at the person and realize that they can’t handle their unattractiveness and start looking for a way out of the relationship. Any quarrel or opportunity to meet someone else is taken as a reason to breakup.

Most relationships are not over, on the day someone says it’s over, but weeks, months or years in advance. You were just looking for the perfect time to tell someone and also the embarrassment of not being able to honor your commitment, love puts you off from telling that person until you are discovered of cheating on them, or forced to, out of anger during an argument.

People also fall in love to show off. The love the idea of being in love so much and they don'’ want to be left out. They want everyone to see that they can be loved as well.

There are the ones who normally talk about their partner and how much they love them, all the time to their friends. There is a difference between being happy and showing off. To them it’s not just a matter of I have a wonderful partner but, see what he did for me, look at us, observe closely, keep watching, listen. The whole relationship is superficial. It’s a show mostly put up for their friends and anyone in close proximity. This is a relationship that doesn’t involve planning for the future, sharing ideas, growing together. But it’s more of being together for everyone to see that you are not alone.

A lot of young girls fall into this. A lot of young guys love to show off too.

People should realize that there is nothing wrong with being single because it gives you time to make yourself a better person for your partner.

A lot of time is spent and wasted looking for the right person instead of making yourself the right person. Instead of looking for Mr. Right, be Ms. Right, and Mr. Right will find you, and vice versa.

If you want something good, you should be willing to offer something good !

We live in a world where we spend a lot of time asking ‘what can you give me?’ rather than asking ‘what will I give you?’

If you get without giving, you are most likely to lose what you get.

some mistakes women make..

Need a boost in your bedroom game? See if you're making one of these 10 mistakes in the sack!

1) Don't Fake It
It's no secret - we love women who have orgasms - but faking it to please us only robs you of the pleasure you deserve and we want you to have. Besides, if we think we're doing it right, it only makes us repeat the same style that achieved the fictitious result, and only takes you further away from actually having orgasms with us. What a shame. If it's our first time together, let's get off to an honest beginning. If you don't have an orgasm, and he asks if you did, be honest and tell him the truth. The more you like the guy, the more honest you need to be with him.

2) Show & Tell
Men are not mind readers. If you are not having orgasms with us, show and tell us what we need to do, and don't be afraid of appearing too liberated. Men love a challenge, especially this one, and real men admire women who can talk us through it. Give honest feedback and lead us to the finish line. It's difficult to please a woman who cannot please herself. If you don't know what to tell us, and you don't masturbate, please start, and do use a normal size prop without electricity (ours doesn't have batteries). When you find the spot, action, intensity, or combination that works, tell us what it is, and we'll work on that together until we make fireworks. That's recreation at its finest.


3) Connect
If we are connected emotionally, the experience can last as long as we want it to last, and it can be "the everything" we both want it to be. Due to abandonment and other issues, some women go out of their way to disconnect. This behavior may protect your heart but will do nothing for our sexual experiences. Intimacy is not sex and sex is not intimacy, but intimate sex can be wonderful. If you have abandonment issues, try this: Say to yourself "I may not love you tomorrow but right now I love you more than anyone I've ever known." Now connect and give yourself to him. You just might have the orgasm of your life - and he may too.


4) Don't Kick the Dog
Rejection in lovemaking is the worst of all things. Men are a lot like puppies. Imagine coming home after a long day and your puppy bounces to the door with the most affectionate greeting, but rather than kneeling to shower him with love and affection, you kick the poor doggy. How often do you think that needs to happen before the little guy slows his approach and finally stops greeting you altogether? The same goes for men. Unless you want him to lose interest, and that can happen quite easily, find the energy to get yourself into it, each time and forever.

5) Your Sex Drive
The only difference between a great friendship and romance is sex. In matchmaking, I try to match sex drives right along with all of the other stuff. When I interview men and women, I ask them to tell me a number from one to ten, lowest to highest, of how often they like to have sex per week. While a four and a six will usually work things out, a four and a seven likely won't, and neither will a two and a five, let alone a two and a seven. Save yourself six months in a relationship going nowhere. At the earliest point possible, mention your sex drive in a conversation so you two are on the same page. Note: Contrary to popular belief, most women have very healthy sex drives - very.


6) Think Beyond The Bed
That mattress is for sleeping, and occasionally for sex, but if your sex life is boring, you are probably horizontal way too much. Find different places in the apartment, and find different places other than the apartment. Elevators, staircases, bathrooms and boardrooms are only the beginning. Always be on the lookout for a great place to take your lover, and if you are creative, surprise him by leading him to the spot you discovered. "Guess what sweetheart? I found a new spot. Now get over here." Think 9 ½ Weeks to make your love life last a lifetime.

7) Take the Lead
We love it when you initiate sex. We feel desired when you initiate sex. We get totally turned on when you initiate sex. Initiate sex.


8) Go for an Oscar
Not all women enjoy giving oral sex and we get that. The ones who do make us feel like they'd do it for as long as we wanted. They don't rush it. They're happy to wait for us to signal to them that we're ready for something else. Or at least that's how they make us feel. The result is that we feel better connected to you, which will make the main event last longer and nice for you as well. If you are one of the women who does not enjoy giving oral sex, it would be in your best interest to pretend you are going for an Academy Award for Best Actress in an Action Thriller.


9) Let's Talk - or Not
People are split on the subject of talking during sex. Many can go either way. Try to find out early what your partner likes and doesn't like when it comes to talking. Sex is about pleasing your partner, and if everybody felt that way, we'd all be a lot happier. Of course, life would be a lot easier too if you would simply tell us what you'd like to hear - or not hear. The result? One orgasm after another.

10) Get In Sync
If you've just started fooling around, and he caresses your hair or something innocuous like that, don't moan like you are being ravaged by a minotaur. Melodrama during sex is highly annoying. On the other hand, if you are in sync, anything goes including all the sound effects of a jungle. And if one of you does something silly, go ahead and laugh so you both will. After all, we're doing it for the fun, right?

mistakes men do in sex..

Imagine you're learning to drive a car for the first time. Someone gives you the vehicle owner's manual to read, and then hands you the keys.

If drivers were trained that way, no one would be safe on the road.

But it's a lot like how most guys learn about sex. You're taught the basic facts of life, then turned loose to puzzle out your partners' sexuality, and your own, by trial and error.

Experience is useful, but it isn't everything. Even guys who've had a lot of sexual experience with women still make mistakes that could be avoided with better knowledge.

So you don’t have to learn the hard way, what are the most common sex mistakes men make with women?.

Sex Mistake No.1: 'I Know How to Please a Woman'

Men often assume that the way they've learned to please one woman works for all women. Not so.

With every sexual partner you have, you do gain a growing body of knowledge of female bodies and female pleasure, But women's sexuality is complicated, and it's really individual.

Every woman's body responds in different ways to sensation, and every woman's anatomy is a little different. What feels amazing to one may do nothing -- or even cause discomfort -- for another.

That is the detective work you need to do each and every time, we really each have a sexual fingerprint.

When it comes to intercourse, one key variable is your thrusting technique: Does she like it fast or slow? Deep or shallow? Or does she like to mix it up -- slow and shallow at first, and then fast and deep?

Also, no one sex position is every woman's favorite. She may prefer a certain sex position for several reasons. Different positions allow various angles of penetration, depending not only on her anatomy, but also the size and shape of your penis. Differences between partners' body shape and height may make some positions better than others. And for some women, it's important to have face-to-face intimacy during intercourse.

Tons of women says, ‘I know missionary gets a bad rap, but I really like it.' Others say, ‘It's got to be from behind'. People are really across the board when it comes to positions.

 

Sex Mistake No. 2: "Let's (Not) Talk About Sex"

Most couples with sexual problems don't talk to each other about sex. Often that's because they don't have the words. Many of them don't know, or aren't comfortable using correct terms. For example, a guy might say "vagina" when he means the vulva. He may talk about "doing it," though it's not always clear what "it" is: Vaginal intercourse? Oral sex?

"A lot of work initially is just getting them comfortable with those words,"

If it's hard for your partner to say what she wants sexually, try asking specific, instead of open-ended, questions. "What do you like?" is an open-ended question that often doesn't get a useful answer.

"Do one thing, then do another thing -- and then say, 'Which one do you like better?'" "It's like a multiple-choice question. They don't have to write an essay. They just have to pick A or B."

Many men also think they should keep quiet during sex. Usually that's not a good thing.

"There are far too many people having sex in silence all over,"

Couples should give each other verbal cues during sex.

Using neutral prompts like, "harder," "slower," or "right there." (Same as directions you'd give to someone scratching your back.)

"Give really basic, clear information. You don't have to be a sort of master dirty talker,"

Dirty talk can be fun, too, , "if everyone's on the same page about it." And if you don't like talking dirty, you can still talk sexy without being lewd.

"Telling her you want her can be highly arousing and get great results," "But say, ‘I want you,' and not, ‘I want it.' That's the secret."

Don't hold back moans, grunts, and sighs. Sounds of sex are sexy, and a turn-on.

Sex Mistake No. 3: Taking It Out of Context

Often men forget that sex doesn't happen in a vacuum. A man may wonder why he's unhappy with the sex he's having, and not connect that with how he and his partner are getting along.

"You can't take sex out of the couple, and you can't take the couple out of the sex". "When you have sex, all of your relationship issues are showing up."

A woman may not open up sexually with a partner if she doesn't feel safe emotionally with him. "For many women it takes a feeling of being vulnerable to let herself be explored."

Your recent behavior follows you into bed with a woman, too. "She's still thinking about how you've been the week before, the day before, the hour before" "Foreplay begins the week before, when you take the trash out."

Men can also be clueless about timing.

"Very often I hear women complaining that, ‘My partner tries to initiate sex at the absolute wrong times, always”.

There's an easy fix for that, she says: "People let us know what they want all the time. I think we just have to pay attention."

A woman may literally tell you what she wants to do at various times of the day. If she doesn't mention sex, that might be a cue to wait.

Men also have to remember that most women need more time than men to become aroused.

"Men can get aroused quickly and get on their way," But for many women, the right time for sex would be when she isn't rushed.
 

Sex Mistake No. 4: The 'Get It Done' Mind-set

Men tend to think of sex like a mission!

They break it down into steps -- erection, foreplay, penetration -- aimed at achieving a main objective: orgasm!

That can be a mistake for a couple of reasons. One is that a whole world of sexual experience exists beyond the genitals.

"Our entire body can be utilized as erotic," "Look at the whole body as a map, and conquer all the territory."

"I know women who can have an orgasm from having their nipples played with," "There are women who love to kiss and make out. All of that is part of sex."

Another reason why it's a mistake to focus solely on orgasm is sometimes it doesn't happen -- even for men. At those times, people can end up feeling bad about sex that may have been good in other ways.

Some men get upset if they can't give a woman an orgasm.

"I hear from women a lot that they're already putting pressure on themselves to have an orgasm, and there's an added layer from their partner".

The women may say it's OK -- that they still enjoy sex without orgasm, and don't need to have one every time.

"But these guys don't believe them,", because they're locked in a goal-oriented mind-set. Their attitude is... Get that orgasm done!"

Sex should be thought of as a circular process, like a merry-go-round that you can step on and off whenever you like. "There is no goal. There's no such thing as ‘not finishing' or failure."

 

Sex Mistake No. 5: 'I'm All She Needs'

Many women are interested in using, or have used, sex toys.

"Sex toys [represent] a place where men's egos can really get in the way, and be bruised way too easily".

A man may feel threatened by a woman's use of sex toys if he believes his own body parts should be enough to satisfy her. Men who reject sex toys "walk away from a really big opportunity to broaden their partner's pleasure."

A vibrator can deliver focused, consistent, intense stimulation that's impossible for a human to provide. Many women need that kind stimulation to have an orgasm.

"That's OK," "It doesn't mean she's broken. It doesn't mean she's strange."

"Bringing toys into sex play, and making toys a couples activity, is really the new paradigm today". There are also sex toys that can stimulate both partners at the same time. "Embrace it, get used to it, and go along for the ride, literally."

 

Sex Mistake No. 6: Ringing the Doorbell

Most guys have a general idea of what the clitoris is and where to find it. But many don't know all there is to it.

"The clitoris is not this tiny button on the outside of the body, which is what most people think it is".

The clitoris is often described as being wishbone shaped, and much of it is internal.

The glands of the clitoris is the little "button" that you can see peeking out from the clitoral hood, at the 12 o'clock position on the vulva. The body of the clitoris extends under the clitoral hood, then bends back and branches into two "legs" behind the labia.

Below the legs are two bulbs of tissue that surround the urethra and vagina. The entire clitoris is tissue that, like a man's penis, swells with blood when a woman becomes aroused.

The whole body of the clitoris, not just the glands, is packed with nerves and highly sensitive. For many women, the gland is actually too sensitive to touch.

"Plenty of women don't want stimulation directly on the glands, like you're ringing a doorbell," Instead, they prefer stimulation on the internal body of the clitoris. Other women prefer indirect pressure or vibration that stimulates the clitoris through other areas of the vulva.

The majority of women need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. And most women are not able to have an orgasm by vaginal sex alone. "Penile-vaginal sex is an inefficient means of producing a female orgasm. That's what an engineer would say".

Sex Mistake No. 7: Compare and Despair

Many guys have unrealistic beliefs about how often they should be having sex, based on what they believe other people are doing. That can make them feel bad about themselves and unhappy in a relationship

"They compare themselves to their peers, and they are convinced that everyone around them is having more sex, and better sex, than they are". "It's just not true."

How often men have sex varies greatly by their age and relationship status.

That survey shows differences based on whether men were single, married, or had a long-term relationship other than marriage.

How often you have sex may have little to do with how satisfied you are sexually.

"People say, 'We have sex a lot,' or, 'We only have a little.' But when you probe further, what constitutes a lot or a little is wildly different.

And what you consider "a lot" or "a little" can change over time. Having sex twice a week might seem like a lot to you when you're single, and not so much when you're a newly wed. If you have kids and have been with your partner for a decade or more, it might seem like a lot again.

"We need to change our expectations and reframe how we think about this". "You've got to acknowledge that people change, the dynamic will change, and be OK with that."

You can be Right or stay Married... :)

‘You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Married’:

Hints on Lessons for Marriages, Learned from Divorce

1. Show your true self

"Accelerate the inevitable. Be yourself as quickly as possible because it's all going to come out eventually. There's no valor in putting on a brave face, it's a mask like any other. Have the courage to be vulnerable."

2. Be honest

"Telling the truth is so much easier—every lie requires a lifetime of maintenance."

3. Be alert

"Don't paint the red flags white. Complacency leads to avoidance, avoidance to withdrawal, withdrawal to resentment, resentment to adultery, and adultery to divorce."

4. Fight Fair

"Getting along is easy; you need to learn how to fight fairly and productively."

5. Make an effort

"Unconditional love is for children and pets. In romantic relationships, you have to earn it-and re-earn it-all the time. And that's a good thing."

6. Talk about sex

"Discuss the dirty. Know each other's sexual boundaries. Explore the fantasies, whatever they are, because if you don't they're just going to get played out somewhere else.

7. Sweat the small stuff

"Death by 1000 paper cuts is far more common than getting stabbed in the back. At some fundamental level we are what annoys us, so if something is bugging you, say it. Nicely."

8. Stay true to yourself

"Compromise is essential, of course, but it's just as dangerous to compromise too much. You can't fundamentally change who you are to please somebody else and nobody can do that for you. It's best to love with abandon, sure, but you can't abandon yourself in the process."

End of the Road..

This song is the most successful Love Song from the group Boyz II Men..

Girl you know we belong together
I don't have time for you to be playing with my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby
You just wait..

We belong together
And you know that I am right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?

Said we'd be forever
said it'd never die
how could you love me and leave me and never
Say goodbye?

When I can't sleep at night
Without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head
Oh, I'd rather be dead
Spinning around and around!

[Chorus]
Although we've come
To the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you
Although we've come
To the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural
You belong to me
I belong to you!

Girl, I know you really love me
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only
Your first time!

Maybe I'll forgive you
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever
You and I!

Will you love me again
Like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead
Just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go!

[Chorus]

Girl, I'm here for you
All those times at night
When you just hurt me
And just ran out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it
I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love
Do you?
I'm here for you!

I'm not about to go out on cheat you
(Maybe I'll forgive you)
Just like you did
But baby that's alright
I love you anyway
(Maybe you will try)
And I'm still going to be here for you until my dying day
(We should be happy together forever)
Right now
I'm just in so much pain
'Cause you just won't come back to me
(You and I)
Will you?
Just come back to me!

(Lonely)
Yes baby, my heart is lonely
(Lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(Lonely)
Yes, I feel pain too
Baby please!

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go!

Although we’ve come to the End Of The Road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you...

 

How to Fall Out of Love

YES! FALLING OUT OF LOVE - SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS WE HAVE TO!

Did life give you a bag of lemons? Does the "perfect" mate think you are better off as friends? Although it might feel like you'll never find somebody better, there are some ways you can move on. Falling out of love is as unique to each individual as falling in love, but here are some healthy ways to cut your emotional ties.

Steps:

1. Make a list of all the reasons it wasn't meant to be. The number one reason should be that this person is not in love with only you. You deserve better than to be someone's back-up between flings, and/or ego trip. Other reasons may include incompatibility, especially when you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this person and remember the ways in which you clash on a regular basis. Human memory can be selective, and you may find yourself dwelling on that first kiss in the park, or that time when you laughed till you almost cried...but also remember the times when you felt sad, neglected, unappreciated, betrayed, or even deeply hurt.

Knowing your Personality:

See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it'll be to get on with your life. It's completely possible that you're idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to. You should accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you -- because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them.

Think of what you want from a significant other that you didn't get from this person. Was he or she arrogant? Selfish? Insincere? Write down the opposites of those traits (humble, giving, and honest). Not only will you see what this person didn't have, but you'll learn from this experience and look forward to finding someone who better suits you.

Ask yourself if it was really true love you were feeling for this person. Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust. If you recognize that it was infatuation or lust rather than love, then you will have an easier time letting go.

 

2. Remove as many traces of their presence in your life as you can. This is very, very difficult but also very important. Ask friends and family to help you sort through things and put anything that reminds you of him or her in a box. If you want to give these things back to the person, mail them--don't give it to them in person and torture yourself. An alternative is to bury the box (presuming it won't contaminate the water supply), burn it (with caution), or throw it (forcefully) into the dumpster. The physical act of destroying reminders of them may help your emotional side catch up.

If you lived together, consider redecorating. Even moving furniture around can help dilute those feelings that will inevitably surge when you wake up without them next to you. If it's possible and necessary, you might even consider moving.

 

3. Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. If you must have some forms of contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days. Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.

Distancing yourself is really effective if done well but it is not something you just try : it will work or it will fail and result in possibly excruciating pain. Don't attempt to take a step away from someone if you are bound to be near that person (e.g. working at the same place, in the same school, being neighbours...) : not talking to someone is not distancing yourself if you can still see that person, awkwardly say hello every morning, check out who are his/her new friends and/or love interest(s). Getting news by any means - including other persons - will only defeat the purpose.

Also, do not forget to take into account the other person's point of view; there are cases where the reason of your distancing will be obvious but in other situations that person may end up not understanding your behaviour. He/She may think you are sulking or holding a grudge against him/her, will try to find out what is wrong and may only be confused and blame him/herself for whatever it was. If this happens, you will be the villain of the story, so you might as well explain yourself before cutting ties. If you have already made up your mind to end the whole relationship, you don't have anything to lose.

The object of your affection might notice you are distancing yourself from them. They may try to get you to see them more. Say you have been really busy with all of these new activities. Tell them you have other things to do, too. You must have a life separate from theirs. Don't answer their calls and don't call them or text message them. You will be tempted to, but don't. It is far too easy to get entangled again and think of all the good work you have done to distance yourself.

Don't assume after distancing yourself for awhile that you are over it. Be careful to make sure you are fully over this person before you see the person again.

If this person was an unhealthy influence in your life (controlling, manipulative, abusive, etc.), cut them out completely. There's no obligation to stay on good terms with someone who made your life miserable, even if they didn't mean to. They may try to make you feel sorry for them in order to keep you wrapped around their finger. Cut off all ties and move on. Read How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship.

4. Practice thought stopping, a technique that helps you to become more mindful and in control of what you think (or don't want to think about, as the case may be.) When you notice a thought has popped into you about the individual, say to yourself or aloud, "Stop!", as a reminder to divert your attention. Visualizing an image such as a stop sign may also help. Then, choose something else to think about that is pleasant. For example, notice how the sun feels on your skin or what the breeze feels like passing by. Look at the clouds in the sky, notice your breath, or the sounds of people talking around you. Become aware of your body and how you feel in it. These will all take your mind off of your thoughts of her/ him in a tangible and effective manner. It takes practice and may feel awkward at first, but with time it is a very effective way to move on, not to speak of feeling and being more empowered by having acquired a powerful new skill.

5. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Did you always want to take a tango class, but didn't because he or she "doesn't dance, period" and you didn't want to go without them? Did you want to go to that car, fashion, or antique lamp show with your friends, but felt reluctant to spend your day off with someone other than your love? Did you want to travel to an exotic country, but your partner didn't want to go because it's too hot/dirty/boring? Maybe--probably--there are ways in which the relationship held you back. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Do whatever you can to feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see you for the great person you are. There are those out there who will.

6. Mingle. While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to meet new people who share similar interests. If you choose to date, avoid the temptation to settle for whomever asks you out, just to distract you from your old flame, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don't love back!

7. Understand that the feelings may never fade completely. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and while you can eventually realize emotionally that you've grown apart, you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her. At some point, it may be possible to remain friends, but mind the boundaries and don't let your heart fall back into it.

Tips: You might want to compare everyone to the object of your affection, and you won't think anyone measures up. Don't be blind to someone's positive attributes because you're comparing them to another person.

Distancing yourself includes staying away from the other person on online sites such as Myspace and Facebook - delete them as a friend, that way you won't receive any updates inadvertently.