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Friday, February 20, 2015

Mawasiliano katika Mahusiano...


                                                               
Leo katika tasfiri zetu nitaanza na tafsiri ya Umuhimu wa Mawasiliano katika mahusiano ambao ni msingi mkuu katika misingi mitano ya mahusiano ama ndoa bora.
Mawasiliano mazuri katika mahusiano ni moja ya suala muhimu sana linaloweza kusaidia mahusiano yenu yawe na mafanikio.

Siyo kila mtu anajua namna bora na makini ya kuwasiliana kwa kuzaliwa nayo, hata hivyo tunaweza kujifunza. Basi kama una matatizo ya mawasiliano mazuri katika mahusiano yako unaweza kujifunza kwa kusoma makala hii.
Ukijifunza mbinu za kuwasiliana kila inapobidi na kwa namna inayotakiwa utaweza kusaidia mahusiano yako kuwa bora na yenye furaha na kuepuka kubaki katika mashaka ya ndoa yako kuingia katika orodha ya ndoa zilizovunjika.
Mawasiliano hayana maana ya kuongea tu. Kipengele muhimu sana katika mawasiliano ni uwezo wa kuwa msikivu. Wakati mwingine ni hilo tu linahitajika, kusikiliza tu!
Mwenzako anaweza akawa anahitaji kusikilizwa tu ili kuweza kutatua tatizo ama kuondoa mashaka yaliyokuwapo. Kama utahitajika kujibu ama kuelezea kuhusu jambo fulani basi baada ya kumsikiliza mwenzako kwa umakini mkubwa wote wawili kwa pamoja mnapaswa kujaribu kujadiliana na kufikia muafaka wa tatizo husika.
Mawasiliano ni suala pana kwa ujumla, ni pamoja na maneno ya kutamkwa na mambo ambayo si ya kutamkwa-matendo ama ishara. Mbinu za mawasiliano makini katika mahusiano zinajumuisha namna zote mbili za kuwasiliana na kuziainisha kwa uhakika.

Tuchukue mfano, kama mpenzi ana hasira, anaweza akakaa amefumbata mikono kimya akikutizama tu bila kusema neno. Hali kama hiyo ni jambo ambalo linahitaji umakini wako wa haraka. Kama utanyamaza na kumwacha bila ya kufanya chochote utasababisha ajisikie kususwa, kutohitajika na kupelekea mambo kuwa mabaya zaidi. Kusoma sura na matendo ya mwenzako ni kipaji ambacho unapaswa kufanyia kazi vyema. Kinakuwezesha kuelewa mambo mengi sana kuhusu mwenzako anavyojisikia kwa wakati fulani na kugundua hata kama anadanganya.

Kama wewe ni mtu makini na mwerevu basi unaweza kugundua mbinu mbalimbali za mawasiliano makini kwa kutilia maanani tu mambo yanayoendelea katika mazingira uliyopo. Ni vyema kama unahitaji msaada zaidi ili kuelewa mbinu mbalimbali za mawasiliano mazuri ukahudhuria mafunzo maalumu au kusoma vitabu mbalimbali kuhusu jambo hilo. Hii inaweza ikakugharimu kidogo lakini thamani yake itakuwa kama dhahabu pale ambapo itaweza kukusaidia kuokoa ndoa ama mahusiano yako.

Mawasiliano mazuri ni pamoja na kutoa kipaumbele hata kwa mambo madogo madogo na kumwonyesha mwenzako kwamba anathaminiwa. Kumwambia asante mpenzi wako isiwe ni jambo gumu. Kuonyesha kuridhishwa na jambo fulani ni ukarimu wa kawaida katika maisha.

Usichoke ama kukata tamaa kutamka, “NAKUPENDA”, ama “ASANTE” au “POLE” ama muhimu zaidi "SAMAHANI". Maneno haya ni vyema yakawa sehemu muhimu sana ya mahusiano yenu. Kila mtu anahitaji kujisikia anathaminiwa.

Uelewa ama maelewano ni sehemu nyingine muhimu katika mawasiliano ambayo imeachwa bila kufanyiwa kazi. Tukisema bila kufanyiwa kazi ina maanaisha kwamba mara nyingi katika mazingira mbalimbali ya mahusiano, hayaulizwi maswali ya kutosha kuweza kuweka mambo bayana. Tunadhania kwamba tunajua kile ambacho wenzetu wanakiongelea bila kutaka kueleweshwa vizuri zaidi. Kudhania mara nyingi kutakupeleka katika matatizo. Hivyo hakikisha unaelewa kwa uhakika ni nini kinaongelewa. Kama huelewi, uliza maswali hadi pale kila kitu kitakapokuwa wazi na kueleweka.

Ushauri bora kwa suala hili ni kujifunza, kujaribu, kujaribu na kujaribu. Jifunze mbinu za mawasiliano bora na makini katika mahusiano na kufanyia majaribio kila siku. Baada ya muda yatakuwa kama asili yako na hutapata tabu tena ya kufikiria namna ya kuwasiliana.

Kumbuka, bila juhudi na kujitolea kuwa na mawasiliano makini na bora katika mahusiano, mahusiano hayo ni sawa na mahusiano-yaliyokufa!

Anza sasa kuwasiliana ipasavyo… na jenga mahusiano/ndoa bora!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

solving problems in relationships..



                                         What is the Best Way to Talk About Problems?
When problems arise in a relationship, couples are often told they need to "communicate" - or talk to each other.

In many cases, however, couples do not know how to talk about problems and communication only makes the situation worse.
For the most part, there are two basic ways of talking about problems:

Direct Accusation versus Problem Identification (described below). Unfortunately, most couples use Direct Accusation rather than Problem Identification when trying to resolve conflict.
Direct Accusation – Focus on Partner’s Behaviour

When upset or angry, many people confront their spouses by focusing on their partner’s behaviour. These accusations can be made directly “I am upset because you…” or even in the form of a question “why did you…?”
The motivation behind making such accusations is typically to change a spouse’s or partner’s behaviour. People believe that if they get upset and point out their partner’s mistakes, things will change. This rarely works.
If you accuse a partner of wrongdoing, partners typically:
  • get defensive – fight back or withdraw (stop listening)
  • offer an (insincere) apology designed to stop your attack
  • hide and conceal similar behaviour in the future

The long term outcome of directly confronting a partner is:
  • increased distance
  • less understanding and greater dissatisfaction
  • the lack of a genuine resolution
  • increased future conflict
A more effective approach involves focusing on one’s feelings, not a partner’s behaviour.
Problem Identification – Focus on One’s Feelings

A better way to resolve relationship problems involves focusing on one’s feelings, rather than blaming a partner for what happened (even if, your partner deserves blame).
It is easier for a partner or spouse to hear what you have to say when you focus on your own feelings and not dwell on his or her mistakes. For example, if your spouse has a habit of coming home late – rather than make a direct accusation – “I hate when you're so late – why do you do that?” – It helps if you can focus on your feelings instead “I am feeling sad and a little frustrated. I sometimes feel lonely when you are not home.”

When trying to discuss a problem - it's important not to assign blame. Even saying something as simple as "It makes me feel uncomfortable..." can come across as an accusation - leading to a defensive response. Phrasing a concern as "I feel..." rather than "It makes..." is a more effective way of solving problems.
Your motivation for dealing with problems this way should be to get your partner to hear what you have to say. If you can get your partner to understand your point of view, you are much more likely to create a meaningful and lasting resolution.

By focusing on your feelings instead of your spouse’s behaviour, partners are more likely to:
  • listen to what you have to say
  • empathize with your position
  • discuss the problem in a constructive manner
And there are many benefits of approaching relationship problems with this way:
  • increased closeness, satisfaction and understanding
  • greater potential for resolution and change
  • less future conflict
Simply put, directly confronting a partner often leads to greater resistance, more conflict and deception. Of course, it is easier to get angry and make accusations, but doing so rarely leads positive, long term outcomes.

Try, try, try, practice… practice… practice !

Ijumaa Karim…