Life-lessons from NAVY Seals

(The following story is a strong lesson that motivates my daily life  learnt from the SEALs trainings, I hope it inspires all of you: story credits to Admiral William H. McRaven)

SEALs?!

Commonly known as the Navy SEALs, are the U.S. Navy's principal special operations force. The SEALs duty is to conduct small-unit maritime military operations which originate from, and return to a river, ocean, swamp, delta or coastline. The Navy SEALs are trained to operate in all environments (Sea, Air, and Land) for which they are named. SEALs are also prepared to operate in climate extremes of scorching desert, freezing Arctic, and humid jungle. All SEALs are male members of the United States Navy. The CIA's highly secretive Special Activities Division (SAD) and more specifically its elite Special Operations Group (SOG) recruit’s operators from the SEAL Teams.

# 1. If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.

Every morning in basic SEAL training, my instructors, who at the time were all Vietnam veterans, would show up in my barracks room and the first thing they would inspect was your bed. If you did it right, the corners would be square, the covers pulled tight, the pillow centred just under the headboard and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the rack—rack—that’s Navy talk for bed.

It was a simple task—mundane at best. But every morning we were required to make our bed to perfection. It seemed a little ridiculous at the time, particularly in light of the fact that were aspiring to be real warriors, tough battle hardened SEALs—but the wisdom of this simple act has been proven to me many times over.

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.

# 2. If you want to change the world, find someone to help you paddle.

During SEAL training the students are broken down into boat crews. Each crew is seven students—three on each side of a small rubber boat and one coxswain to help guide the dingy.

Every day your boat crew forms up on the beach and is instructed to get through the surf zone and paddle several miles down the coast. In the winter, the surf off San Diego can get to be 8 to 10 feet high and it is exceedingly difficult to paddle through the plunging surf unless everyone digs in.

Every paddle must be synchronized to the stroke count of the coxswain. Everyone must exert equal effort or the boat will turn against the wave and be unceremoniously tossed back on the beach. For the boat to make it to its destination, everyone must paddle.

You can’t change the world alone—you will need some help— and to truly get from your starting point to your destination takes friends, colleagues, the good will of strangers and a strong coxswain to guide them.

# 3. If you want to change the world, measure a person by the size of their heart, not the size of their flippers.

Over a few weeks of difficult training my SEAL class which started with 150 men was down to just 35. There were now six boat crews of seven men each. I was in the boat with the tall guys, but the best boat crew we had was made up of the the little guys—the munchkin crew we called them—no one was over about 5-foot five.

The munchkin boat crew had one American Indian, one African American, one Polish American, one Greek American, one Italian American, and two tough kids from the mid-west. They out paddled, out-ran, and out swam all the other boat crews.

The big men in the other boat crews would always make good natured fun of the tiny little flippers the munchkins put on their tiny little feet prior to every swim. But somehow these little guys, from every corner of the Nation and the world, always had the last laugh— swimming faster than everyone and reaching the shore long before the rest of us.

SEAL training was a great equalizer. Nothing mattered but your will to succeed. Not your color, not your ethnic background, not your education and not your social status.

# 4. If you want to change the world, get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

Several times a week, the instructors would line up the class and do a uniform inspection. It was exceptionally thorough. Your hat had to be perfectly starched, your uniform immaculately pressed and your belt buckle shiny and void of any smudges.

But it seemed that no matter how much effort you put into starching your hat, or pressing your uniform or polishing your belt buckle—- it just wasn’t good enough. The instructors would find “something” wrong.

For failing the uniform inspection, the student had to run, fully clothed into the surfzone and then, wet from head to toe, roll around on the beach until every part of your body was covered with sand. The effect was known as a “sugar cookie.” You stayed in that uniform the rest of the day—cold, wet and sandy.

There were many a student who just couldn’t accept the fact that all their effort was in vain. That no matter how hard they tried to get the uniform right—it was unappreciated. Those students didn’t make it through training. Those students didn’t understand the purpose of the drill. You were never going to succeed. You were never going to have a perfect uniform. Sometimes no matter how well you prepare or how well you perform you still end up as a sugar cookie. It’s just the way life is sometimes.

# 5. If you want to change the world, don’t be afraid of the circuses.

Every day during training you were challenged with multiple physical events—long runs, long swims, obstacle courses, hours of calisthenics—something designed to test your mettle.

Each event had standards—times you had to meet. If you failed to meet those standards your name was posted on a list and at the end of the day those on the list were invited to—a “circus.” A circus was two hours of additional calisthenics—designed to wear you down, to break your spirit, to force you to quit. No one wanted a circus.

A circus meant that for that day you didn’t measure up. A circus meant more fatigue—and more fatigue meant that the following day would be more difficult—and more circuses were likely.

At some time during SEAL training, everyone—everyone—made the circus list. But an interesting thing happened to those who were constantly on the list. Over time those students-—who did two hours of extra calisthenics—got stronger and stronger. The pain of the circuses built inner strength-built physical resiliency.

Life is filled with circuses. You will fail. You will likely fail often. It will be painful. It will be discouraging. At times it will test you to your very core.

# 6. If you want to change the world, sometimes you have to slide down the obstacle head first.

At least twice a week, the trainees were required to run the obstacle course. The most challenging obstacle was the slide for life. It had a three level 30 foot tower at one end and a one level tower at the other. In between was a 200-foot long rope.

You had to climb the three tiered tower and once at the top, you grabbed the rope, swung underneath the rope and pulled yourself hand over hand until you got to the other end. The record for the obstacle course had stood for years when my class began training in 1977. The record seemed unbeatable, until one day, a student decided to go down the slide for life—head first.

Instead of swinging his body underneath the rope and inching his way down, he bravely mounted the TOP of the rope and thrust himself forward. It was a dangerous move—seemingly foolish, and fraught with risk. Failure could mean injury and being dropped from the training. Without hesitation—the student slid down the rope—perilously fast, instead of several minutes, it only took him half that time. He broke the record.

# 7. If you want to change the world, don’t back down from the sharks.

During the land warfare phase of training, the students are flown out to San Clemente Island which lies off the coast of San Diego. The waters off San Clemente are a breeding ground for the great white sharks. To pass SEAL training there are a series of long swims that must be completed. One—is the night swim.

Before the swim the instructors joyfully brief the trainees on all the species of sharks that inhabit the waters off San Clemente. They assure you, however, that no student has ever been eaten by a shark—at least not recently.

But, you are also taught that if a shark begins to circle your position—stand your ground. Do not swim away. Do not act afraid. And if the shark, hungry for a midnight snack, darts towards you—then summons up all your strength and punch him in the snout and he will turn and swim away. There are a lot of sharks in the world. If you hope to complete the swim you will have to deal with them.

# 8. If you want to change the world, you must be your very best in the darkest moment.

One of our jobs is to conduct underwater attacks against enemy shipping. We practiced this technique extensively during basic training. The ship attack mission is where a pair of SEAL divers is dropped off outside an enemy harbour and then swims well over two miles—underwater—using nothing but a depth gauge and a compass to get to their target.

During the entire swim, even well below the surface there is some light that comes through. It is comforting to know that there is open water above you.

But as you approach the ship, which is tied to a pier, the light begins to fade. The steel structure of the ship blocks the moonlight—it blocks the surrounding street lamps—it blocks all ambient light. To be successful in your mission, you have to swim under the ship and find the keel—the center line and the deepest part of the ship.

This is your objective. But the keel is also the darkest part of the ship—where you cannot see your hand in front of your face, where the noise from the ship’s machinery is deafening and where it is easy to get disoriented and fail.

Every SEAL knows that under the keel, at the darkest moment of the mission—is the time when you must be calm, composed—when all your tactical skills, your physical power and all your inner strength must be brought to bear.

# 9. If you want to change the world, start singing when you’re up to your neck in mud.

The ninth week of training is referred to as “Hell Week.” It is six days of no sleep, constant physical and mental harassment and—one special day at the Mud Flats—the Mud Flats are an area between San Diego and Tijuana where the water runs off and creates the Tijuana slue’s—a swampy patch of terrain where the mud will engulf you.

It is on Wednesday of Hell Week that you paddle down to the mud flats and spend the next 15 hours trying to survive the freezing cold mud, the howling wind and the incessant pressure to quit from the instructors. As the sun began to set that Wednesday evening, my training class, having committed some “egregious infraction of the rules” was ordered into the mud.

The mud consumed each man till there was nothing visible but our heads. The instructors told us we could leave the mud if only five men would quit—just five men and we could get out of the oppressive cold. Looking around the mud flat it was apparent that some students were about to give up. It was still over eight hours till the sun came up—eight more hours of bone chilling cold.

The chattering teeth and shivering moans of the trainees were so loud it was hard to hear anything and then, one voice began to echo through the night—one voice raised in song. The song was terribly out of tune, but sung with great enthusiasm. One voice became two and two became three and before long everyone in the class was singing. We knew that if one man could rise above the misery then others could as well.

The instructors threatened us with more time in the mud if we kept up the singing—but the singing persisted. And somehow—the mud seemed a little warmer, the wind a little tamer and the dawn not so far away.

If I have learned anything in my time traveling the world, it is the power of hope. The power of one person—Washington, Lincoln, King, Mandela and even a young girl from Pakistan—Malala—one person can change the world by giving people hope.

# 10. If you want to change the world, NEVER ring the bell!

Finally, in SEAL training there is a bell. A brass bell that hangs in the center of the compound for all the students to see. All you have to do to quit—is ring the bell. Ring the bell and you no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the freezing cold swims. Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT—and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training. Just ring the bell.

Conclusion:

To all the future graduating classes (all of you good people blessed to be living and now reading this article), you are moments away from graduating.. Moments away from beginning your journey through life.. Moments away from starting to change the world—for the better.. It will not be easy! Start each day with a task completed. Find someone to help you through life. Respect everyone!

Know that life is not fair and that you will fail often, but if you take some risks, step up when the times are toughest, face down the bullies, lift up the downtrodden and NEVER, EVER GIVE UP—if you do these things, then next generation and the generations that follow will live in a world far better than the one we have today and—what started here will indeed have changed the world—for the better.

WHY DO PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE..

(Due to a number of requests but also considering relationship trends and current life styles, I am humbled to bring up-to-date this article and will soon publish Swahili version of it-enjoy reading...)

When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.

It’s very easy nowadays to fall in lust and mistake that for being in love. And once that lusting desire is over, you fall out of love.

Most people, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment, are the ones that end up being in love with so many different people time after time. As soon as the chemistry goes, they fallout of love and move on to the next person they have chemistry with.

Chemistry is just the anticipation of sex. It won’t last forever. When you meet someone new, there is always the adrenaline rush, especially if you have things in common. Your body identifies with that person and once you are relaxed and comfortable with the person. Your desire to have sex with that person arises and that would end up to be a one night stand or several nights stands depending on how satisfied you are.

Making out with someone without having sex leads to a stronger relationship because it retains the emotions. The body is always pumped up and not fully satisfied thus the desire for more and more. The anticipation for sex is even much greater thus you have stronger chemistry. But once you finally have sex you release your emotions during orgasm. Each time you have an orgasm, your emotions are released and the desire for sex becomes less and less.

It always starts off as more and more once you start having sex with someone because your anticipation is higher, thereafter it becomes less and less because orgasms take up a lot of your energy. Relationships that are sex based have a shorter life span than relationships that are not sex based.

The other reason why people fall out of love is due to their expectations not having been met. When they fell in love, they had high expectations depending on what they wanted. But after some time in the relationship they discover that their expectations are not being met. Maybe they wanted someone who would compliment them and appreciate them, but this is not the case. Instead they have someone calling them names and disrespecting them. After they have had enough, they fall out of love with that person and move on to a different relationship with someone that meets their needs.

A lot of people are rushed into falling in love by their families. You find they are always being asked by their friends: ‘so when you going to get married?’ Have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend?’ Or: ‘look at that cute guy’, ‘oh, isn’t that couple lovely’. Or by stirring up jealousy: ‘John is so romantic, he sent me flowers to work’. Or by reminding you of a day of the calendar: ‘February 14^th, Valentines Day’. Or by mentioning romantic movies ‘How sally met Harry’. Or by narrating fairy tales, ‘Cinderella, sleeping beauty, snow white’. These are all stories of girls wanting to be rescued by a prince and fall deeply in love with him.

So there is pressure for both men and women to fall in love.

The other reason why people fall out of love is mistreatment by their partner. When they first meet someone he/she is so good, so sweet and kind. But after some time they change and become abusive. They either hit them or swear at them. The person then can’t take this anymore and falls out of love and moves on with their life and find someone who treats them better. Nobody wants to be mistreated though some people will tolerate it for a while. But just because they tolerate it, doesn’t mean they enjoy it.

Guys especially, tend to be sweet at first and later change into mean ones. These guys that do, that are already mean but pretend to be sweet when they meet a girl and once the girl is attached to them, their true self is revealed, since they can’t pretend forever.

But not all guys are like that. In fact the majority of guys are nice throughout. Yet mean people make themselves more easily noticed and appealing than nice people do. Thus if you know the person’s ex-partner, you will have a better understanding of the person. But also no matter how nice a mean person pretends to be, there will always be a few elements that will give away their true nature but most people ignore this. They ignore it until it fully reveals itself. Then they wonder what happened. What happened is that you ignored the bad and accepted the good. And that made the bad grow and grow until you couldn’t handle it anymore then you got heartbroken or fell out of love and cried that the world isn’t fair. ‘The world is fair to those who play fair’. You can’t just ignore the bad and accept the good.

And last but not least the reason why people fall out of love is because they weren’t in love in the first place. There was no commitment; there was just the idea. The idea of being in love seems awesome but it takes work to stay in love. You have to keep doing good. You have to keep appreciating your partner. You have to keep supporting your partner even when the times are tough you have to hang in there and stick together and solve problems together and enjoy victories together.

Being in love is so much publicized that a lot of people go into it without fully realizing what they are doing. They don’t really know the true meaning of being in love. They think of it as a candy shop, where you walk in when there’s candy and don’t go there when there’s no candy. With being in love, you walk in when there’s candy (chemistry) and even when there’s no candy (chemistry) you still stay until the candy (chemistry) is back.

Chemistry doesn’t last forever but being in love does. Chemistry contributes to the relationship being exciting, but love sustains the relationship and keeps it going.

A loss of chemistry is normally due to other commitments that take away the time for sex or a change in appearance of your partner. All these can be worked out by spending more romantic time together. The thing you liked about your partner at the beginning of the relationship should continue throughout the relationship. Relationships are about spending time together. Most relationships end because of lack of this.

If people fall in love for the right reasons and commit to it and build their relationship and keep on spending time together and supporting each other, then they will stay in love much longer.

People have different upbringings and thus different goals and expectations. This is why when they first meet someone new, they want to get to know them and see if they are on the same wavelength. The more things in common you have with someone the better the relationship. Communication is the key to any relationship. Couples that talk stay in love and couples who don’t talk stay out of love’. Thus when you meet someone new you have to know them first. Before there is contact of the genitals, there should be contact of the minds.

Successful relationships are based on trust, honesty, love, tolerance, sharing and forgiveness.

Most relationship breakdown is normally due to lack of one or more of these things.

Is he a BOY or a Man?!

As a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.

2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life) or another purpose or passion. A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.

Note: Many mature men still don't know what they want. But a mature man takes responsibility for that (here, let's define maturity as the ability to express love - and love as the ability to sacrifice unselfishly). He does what he must to provide for himself and his family. He might not have himself or his life figured out, but he knows he must be mature if he chooses to be a provider and the kind of leader others can depend on. Becoming mature is a choice, not a by-product.

3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.

4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.

Note: A mature man is seeking a partner who will be an appropriate and compatible life-long partner. Will she be a good wife for me and a good mother to our children? Will she be a person of love? The question is not, "Am I good enough for her?" or "Is she good enough for me?" Rather, the question should be, "Will we love each other and are we a good fit?" He understands that they'll "be in this together," for the rest of their lives. He better be ready to put her desires and needs above his own. And vice-versa. This is what's required from both partners if a marriage is to be healthy and successful. When we couples decide to get married only because we see it as the next step after a period of dating or because "we're in love," I believe we're setting ourselves up for problems.

5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.

6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.

Note: A mature man understands the importance of honesty, openness, and clear communication. This is the only way both partners can find satisfaction in a relationship. A boy isn't ready for such a relationship. He's still playing. Does this mean he's a bad person? No. It's just that he's still a kid. He's still learning.

7.  A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is still getting drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.

Note: A mature man has the experience to understand that a rhythm of work and play is necessary. Work hard but we need to take some days away to "sharpen the axe." No one who loves the work they do, and sees their own financial success, enjoys taking time off. But it's necessary to stay balanced. As for the boy, he’ll be more interested in punching the clock and looking forward to the weekend. Long-term planning isn’t a top priority.

8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.

9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.

10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

 Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays mind games. A man doesn’t.

Note: As you grown older, some things have proven true over and over through observations and experience. If you want a man to become mature, he must be given responsibilities and he must learn to love. This requires life experience, but most importantly, it takes the boy willing to decide to become mature.

What about you? What has been your observations and experiences in the differences between men or boys or what makes someone mature?