I am a firm believer in
keeping marriages revived and alive and when I see something that touches my
heart, I love sharing with my friends!
We all need
to keep our relationships alive and exciting and filled with love till death do
us part. I was married for 37 years until death took my husband away within a
few minutes and I was always faithful to him. And please remember that cancer
or any other sickness should make your marriage stronger, not tear it apart.
After you read this, stop and tell your spouse that you love them and give them
a big hug and always cherish your relationship! Sheila.
“When I got home that night as my wife served
dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down
and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I
didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was
thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be
annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her
question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me,
you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I
knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't
love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep
sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own
our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then
tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had
become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I
could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she
cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day,
I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I
didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because
I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still
there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep
again.
In the
morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,
but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one
month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were
simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn't want to disrupt
him with our broken marriage.
This was
agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had
carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every
day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door
ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days
together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce
conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I
hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly
expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and
said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I
drove alone to the office.
On the second
day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell
the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman
carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were
fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its
toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth
day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the
woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I
realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about
this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the
everyday workout made me stronger.
She was
choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could
not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I
suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could
carry her more easily.
Suddenly it
hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously
I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came
in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his
father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My
wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my
face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I
then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room,
to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her
body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much
lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could
hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I
hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of
the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me
change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at
me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I
moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage
life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our
lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since
I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until
death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening
I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only
to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months
and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon
and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction from our son, in case
we push through with the divorce.
At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a
loving husband….
The small details of
your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the
car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time
to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build
intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second
(or third) time around. It's never too late.
By sharing
this, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures
are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave
up.
