Jealousy in Relationship...

Jealousy in Relationship!

Kutokana na maombi ya wasomaji wapenzi walio wengi nitaweka tafsiri ya makala hii karibuni..

What Is The Best Way To Overcome Jealousy?

How can I deal with my jealousy?

While everyone gets jealous or suspicious from time to time, experiencing jealousy on a daily basis can be problematic.

When jealousy strikes, people often compare themselves to their rival, they feel threatened, and they imagine the worst case scenario - that their partner or spouse might leave them for someone else.

Not only is jealousy unpleasant to experience, but individuals, who are chronically jealous or suspicious, often misinterpret what is going on - taking what might be an innocent event and thinking about it in the worst way possible.

For example, if a boyfriend or girlfriend does not immediately return a phone call, a highly jealous individual will jump to a negative conclusion (my partner doesn't love me or my partner is cheating).

Jumping to such conclusions can drive people crazy and it often fuels their suspicion more.

Negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities often lead to more negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities.

Not only do highly jealous individuals drive themselves crazy, they often drive their partners crazy as well. Being around a suspicious person is difficult to deal with. No one likes to have everything that happens turned into a negative event.

Moreover, being with a jealous person is difficult because highly suspicious partners can be overly controlling, needy, and invasive.

As such, it is not uncommon for people who date highly suspicious individuals to pull away from their partners because of all the problems that it causes.

Learning how to deal with jealousy effectively is critical to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Talk About Your Feelings:

Typically, the best way to deal with jealousy or suspicion is to talk to your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, about the issues.

When people are suspicious or jealous, they often try to hide their true feelings from their partners, but ignoring our emotions hardly ever works. Our feelings get the best of us and influence our behaviour whether we like it or not.

So when people experience jealousy, if they do not talk about it, it comes out through sudden mood changes, acting overly controlling, being overly sensitive and needy, causing unnecessary arguments and fights, pointing out a romantic rival's every flaw, attacking a partner ("why did you do that?"), and so on.

In fact, jealousy sometimes leads people to flirt with others as a way of getting their partner's attention or showing them just how awful it can feel.

On the other hand, a lot of research shows that talking to a partner about being jealous is the best way of dealing with it. As a general rule, when talking about jealousy, it helps to focus on your feelings and not necessarily your partner's behaviour.

In other words, do not blame or attack your spouse or partner because you feel jealous - rather explain how you feel ("Sometimes my jealousy gets the best of me, and I don't like feeling this way...").

If you can talk directly to your spouse or partner about how you feel, you are less likely to act in ways that create more distance and distrust in your relationship or marriage. In fact, people often feel closer when they can talk to their partners about their problems in a constructive manner.

Also, you are most likely to get the reassurance that you need from a partner when you discuss your jealousy in a calm, cool manner. And if your partner gives you reassurances when you are feeling jealous, your feelings will fade over time.

However, you need to determine if talking about your problem is likely to be productive given your own relationship. Some people have a difficult time listening to their partners or spouses discuss their problems. Some people are just more uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness – so talking may not always.

Interpret Things Differently:

Another way of overcoming jealousy involves trying to think about events that make you suspicious differently.

Again, jealous partners or spouses put the worst spin on everything that happens. And a lot of things that happen in a relationship or marriage are somewhat ambiguous – events and actions are almost always open to more than one interpretation.

For instance, if a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend does not answer the phone right away - there are many different possible explanations (people are busy, batteries die, calls don’t go through, etc). Overly jealous individuals, however, jump to the worst case scenario and dwell on it, which just leads to more problems in the long run.

So, when events that trigger jealousy occur, it helps to interpret them in a different light. Rather than jump to the worst case scenario, why not try to think about the best case scenario?

Learning to interpret events positively, if done consistently, can help individuals overcome their jealousy.

In fact, a romantic partner's ability to put a positive spin on things that happen is one of the key differences between relationships and marriages that succeed and those that fail.

Putting a positive spin on things, however, is difficult to do because old habits and ways of thinking die hard. Typically, this strategy is often best accomplished through some counselling.

As a Last Resort - Try to Gain More Information:

Suspicion is often fuelled by a lack of information.

Being jealous involves imagining the worst, but not being sure if your feelings are correct. For some people, the most difficult part of being suspicious does not know what the truth might be.

So as a last resort, one way to deal with jealousy and suspicion involves trying to get to the bottom of things. In fact, some people have a very difficult time letting go of their suspicions until they have enough information to make up their mind or until they have the answers that they are looking for.

But, the problem with this approach is that the quest for information usually takes on a life of its own. People seek out information, but they do not know when to stop, and their search only fuels their suspicion even more.

With this in mind, what are some guidelines for trying to get to the bottom of things?

To begin with, asking a lot of invasive questions is usually not a good way to go about discovering the truth. If husbands or wives, boyfriends or girlfriends, are trying to hide things from you, they are not likely to tell you about it simply because you ask.

Second, many people resort to snooping. But, snooping raises some ethical. But, if you do snoop on your partner, try to set a reasonable time limit – a week, a month, or whatever, given the issue at hand.

It is important to set a strict time limit and keep to it. Otherwise, your search will just lead to a never-ending quest for more information, which only fuels suspicion even more.

If you do not discover anything within the time limit then try to let it go. If you are still suspicious, remind yourself that you tried to get the truth and discovered nothing - you gave it your best shot and came up empty-handed.

On the other hand, if you do discover something, at least now you can deal with a real problem rather than spend your time worrying about what might be.

Another time we shall learn how to deal with a jealousy lover…

Amazing Facts about Love

Love is a light of your life. Everyone know that love increases our live's quality. If still there are some people who don't believe this, we have found some funny scientific love facts to prove this theory:)

1. People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left (65 percent of people go to the right!).

2. The oldest known love song was written 4,000 years ago and comes from an area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

3. One in five long-term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others.

4. Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover’s memory.

5. Love can also exert the same stress on your body as deep fear. You see the same physiological responses—pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.

6. Philadelphia International Airport finished as the No. 1 best airport for making a love connection, according to a recent survey.

7. Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.

8. The tradition of the diamond engagement ring comes from Archduke Maximillian of Austria who, in the 15th century, gave a diamond ring to his fiancée, Mary of Burgundy.

9. People who are newly in love produce decreased levels of the hormone serotonin —as low as levels seen in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perhaps that’s why it’s so easy to feel obsessed when you’re smitten.

10. According to mathematical theory, we should date a dozen people before choosing a long-term partner; that provides the best chance that you’ll make a love match.

P.S.: This one may not surprise you, but we had to share it: Having a romantic relationship makes both genders happier. The stronger the commitment, the greater the happiness!

Jennifer Lopez vs relationships...

Jennifer Lynn Lopez (born July 24, 1969), often known by her moniker J.Lo, is an American actress, businesswoman, dancer and recording artist. Born and raised in the Bronx, New York, she enrolled in singing and dancing classes.

She started her career as a Fly Girl on the television program In Living Color and as a back-up dancer for Janet Jackson. Lopez gained recognition in the action-thriller Money Train (1995). Her first leading role was in the biographical film Selena (1997), which was her breakthrough role, earning her an ALMA Award for Outstanding Actress and Golden Globe nomination. She earned her second ALMA Award for her performance in Out of Sight (1998), which made her the highest-paid Latin actress.

She has since appeared in various films including The Cell (2000), The Wedding Planner (2001), Maid in Manhattan (2002), Shall we Dance (2004), Monster-in-Law (2005), The Back-up Plan (2010) and What to Expect When you are Expecting (2012).

As of 2011, her net worth is estimated to be $150 million.  Lopez's personal life has also garnered media attention, particularly her high profiled relationships.

Jennifer Lopez says after three failed marriages she still aspires to have the perfect union.

The 42-year-old, who is currently dating Casper Smart, said she will never give up on the dream of having a fairy tale wedding.

On February 22, 1997, Lopez married Cuban-born Ojani Noa, who she met while he worked as a waiter in a Miami restaurant; they were divorced by January 1998.

Lopez's boyfriend, former back-up dancer Cris Judd—who she met on the set of the video for "Love Don't Cost a Thing"—proposed to her at a barbecue and they were married on September 29, 2001. They traveled to Italy for their honey moon. They wedding lasted for about two years!

Then, Lopez and Affleck eventually succumbed to overexposure from the media, however, which caused public interest in their romance to result in less admiration and negatively affected their careers. Gigli, a film which Lopez starred as a lesbian opposite Affleck, was released on August 1, 2003.

Lopez and Affleck canceled their wedding, which had been scheduled for September 14, 2003 on the Californian Coast, citing the media's interference with the event as the reason. Months later their wedding was canceled once again, four days before the event. Lopez was seen without her ring, and it was later confirmed that the 18-month romance ended on January 20, 2004.

Two months after her break up with Ben Affleck, Lopez was publicly seen dating Marc Anthony. They were married secretly on June 5, 2004 at her Beverly Hills Mansion; just one week after Anthony's divorce with Dayanara Torres (former Miss Universe) was finalized.

Two men attempted to ransom a private wedding video which was stolen from the couple for $1 million dollars; however they were arraigned in Manhattan Criminal Court on charges of conspiracy, attempted grand larceny and possession of stolen property.

On February 22, Lopez gave birth to a son Maximilian David Muñiz and a daughter Emme Maribel in Long Island, New York. The twins were introduced in the March 11, 2008 issue of People magazine, for which the magazine paid a reported $6 million for—the photographs of the twins became most expensive celebrity picture ever taken. Following the birth of her twins, Lopez took a break from her career in 2008.

On July 15, 2011 following seven years of marriage, Lopez and Anthony's representative announced that the couples were separating.

"For me, the biggest dream is the fairy tale. Yes I would give marriage another chance. I will never give up on that dream," Lopez said.

“What I look into is a strong man, by heart, someone who can stand, a famous, successful woman like me...” added Lopez.

After announcing her split from third husband Marc Anthony, Lopez soon started dating Smart.

The duos have not yet spoken about their relation but have been pictured getting intimate in public on various occasions.

Foods to boost your Sex life...

Almonds and Nuts

Almonds contain important fatty acids that help the brain process information and work better. They are a prime source of essential fatty acids, and are vital in the production of men's hormones. Additionally, the smell of almonds is purported to arouse passion in females.

Avocados

Not only are they a sensual delight, but they also contain important fatty acids that help the brain and heart. In fact, did you know the Aztecs called the avocado tree ahuacatl or "testicle tree." They contain high levels of folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, thus giving you more energy. They also contain vitamin B6 (a nutrient that increases male hormone production) and potassium (which helps regulate a woman's thyroid gland), two elements that help increase libido in both men and women.

Celery

Celery may not be the first food that comes to mind when you're thinking sex, but it can be a great source for sexual stimulation. Celery contains androsterone, an odorless hormone released through male perspiration that supposedly turns women on.

Garlic

Garlic contains allicin, a chemical that increases blood flow to the sexual organs. As such, it's a highly effective herb to help increase libido.

Figs

Figs are high in amino acids, which are believed to increase libido. They can also improve sexual stamina. Furthermore, the shape of a fresh fig and the sweet, juicy taste are very sensual and sure to put sex on your mind.

  Oysters

Oysters, the classic aphrodisiac, have been associated with sex since the days of Casanova. They are high in zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production. Oysters also contain dopamine, a hormone known to increase libido.

Eggs

Eggs are high in vitamins B6 and B5. These help balance hormone levels and fight stress, two things that are crucial to a healthy libido. In fact, some people will eat raw chicken eggs just prior to sex to increase libido and maximize energy levels.

Bananas

Bananas contain the bromelain enzyme, which is believed to increase libido and reverse impotence in men. Additionally, they are good sources of potassium and B vitamins like riboflavin, which increase the body's overall energy levels.

of course...Chocolate!

Chocolate contains the alkaloid theobromine which is very similar to caffeine and phenylethylamine, a chemical believed to produce the feeling of "being in love." In addition, dark chocolate has tons of anti-oxidants, which are great for the body in general, as they help maintain a healthy immune system

famous couples...

(mostly 2009-data)

 

They married in October 1992, and have two daughters, Malia Ann (born 1998) and Natasha (known as Sasha, born 2001). After his election to the U.S. Senate, the Obama family continued to live on Chicago's South Side, choosing to remain there rather than moving toWashington D.C. Throughout her husband campaign for President of the USA, she made a "commitment to be away overnight only once a week — to campaign only two days a week and be home by the end of the second day" for their two children.

Usher Terry Raymond IV

Married Tameka Foster in a civil ceremony after cancelling their wedding six days earlier (3 August 2007). Children (with Foster) Usher Terry Raymond V "Cinco" (November 26, 2007 in Atlanta) and Naviyd Ely Raymond (December 10, 2008 at 5 lbs 13 oz).Status – divorced.

Lasted the distance ... Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston stuck it out for 14 years with both of the troubled popstars enduring stints together in rehab. Later they separated for good.

Short-lived ... Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman were married for 9 days in November 1998. The world's wildest basket-baller had his marriage to the one-time Baywatch pin-up annulled less than a fortnight after vowing he'd spend the rest of his life with her.

Lasted the distance ... Celine Dion and Rene Angelil married in an elaborate ceremony in December 1994 and remain together 14 years on . Celine Dion and Rene Angelil was married in 1994. The date of their wedding was 17 December. Prior to their marriage, they were known to each other for decades as it was Angelil who made Dion what she is today. Close professional relationship quickly took a turn for something else, more sublime and intimate. They have remained together through thick and thin and after undergoing fertility treatments, Dion has given birth to a son Rene-Charles Dion Angelil. Two committed people truly deserve accolades from " My Dear Valentine ".

Short-lived ... Despite the fact that it looks like she'll live happily ever after with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie once vowed she would spend the rest of her life with Billy Bob Thornton. The pair became renowned for their frequent public declarations of love including wearing one another's blood in vials around their necks. The pair were married for less than three years.

Short-lived ... Just twenty days after Lisa Marie Presley divorced her first husband, musician Danny Keough, Presley married Michael Jackson on May 26, 1994. They were divorced by January 1996. Presley then went on to marry actor Nicholas Cage in 2002, just ten days after they became engaged. Cage filed for divorce after 108 days of marriage.

Lasted the distance ... Bill Cosby and Camille Cosby are still married after 45 years together. They tied the knot on January 25 1964

Short-lived ... Lopez's first marriage was to Cuban-born Ojani Noa for less than a year, but she is most famous for her four month, second marriage, to Cris Judd in 2001, whom she met while filming the music video for her single " Love Don't Cost a Thing”.

Lasted the distance ... John Travolta and Kelly Preston have endured some tough times during their 17 year marriage, including recently losing their son Jett at just 16 years of age. The pair have remained the best of friends and have one of the strongest marriages in Hollywood.

Short-lived ... Britney Spears and her wannabe rapper hubby Kevin Federline were married for a little over a year, having two children together during their short union. In 2004 the pop singer also married her childhood sweetheart, Jason Allen Alexander, in Las Vegas, but had the marriage annulled within 55 hours.

Short-lived ... Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson endured a very public marriage through their reality TV series Newlyweds, but tried to keep their divorce a private affair when it ended after less than four years together.

Lasted the distance ... Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith married on New Year's Eve in 1997 and remain together 11 years on.

Short-lived ... Tom Green and Drew Barrymore met after Barrymore, who was a fan of Green's comedy show, asked him to appear in Charlie's Angels, which she starred in and produced. The pair were married in 2001 for less than six months.

Shawn Corey Carter (born December 4, 1969), better known by his stage name Jay-Z, is an American rapper, songwriter, record producer, entrepreneur, and occasional actor. He is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America, having a net worth of over $450 million as of 2011. He married American R&B singer Beyoncé Knowles on April 4, 2008.  He had a daughter named Blue Ivy Carter on January 2012.

Short-lived ... Pamela Anderson is known for her marriages, and not because they've been particularly successful. Anderson married Motely Crue drummer Tommy Lee, in February 1995 after knowing him for only 96 hours. She married and divorced Lee twice, married Kid Rock in 2006 for four months and Paris Hilton's ex Rick Salomon in 2007, also for four months.

Andres Iniesta's wedding pics...

happy couples

secrets in relationships...

Everyone has a few secrets.

In close relationships, people keep secrets because they are embarrassed or fearful of a partner's hostility and possible rejection.

Research shows that it is often in one's interest to keep some things private, especially when romantic partners are likely to respond poorly to the truth. Being rejected, scorned, or stigmatized does not help anyone work through a serious issue.

But, keeping secrets can also be harmful.

·         Keeping secrets often prevents people from dealing with the problem at hand.

·         Keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and

·         It often makes people think about the issue (event or topic) more frequently.

For instance, people who have a secret crush on someone often dwell on their feelings more than people who are able to talk about such things out in the open. Keeping secrets can make things seem more important than they really are.

Likewise, revealing secrets is very helpful when it is done right; that is, in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly.

If a secret is bothering you, it really does help to get it out - as long as people don't respond negatively or use the information against you.

In fact, research shows that the simple task of writing down a secret, even if no one ever reads it, makes people feel better. Writing a secret down is cathartic - it reduces stress and anxiety.

Think about it!