What you should do?
1. Begin
by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a relationship with.
This stage is vital as it allows you to learn more about your partner, as well
as confirm/deny your feelings towards a relationship with them.
2. Tell
each other everything. If there's
something you don't like about them, tell them how you feel. The relationship
isn't going to work unless you settle your differences.
3. Never
cheat. Cheating has ruined many relationships. If it's
variety that you want, then do role playing, or anything along those lines.
Being with someone else will make your partner wonder why someone else was
better than them. If you are seriously considering cheating, you should
consider ending the relationship so your partner won't get hurt.
4. Be
spontaneous. Surprise your partner with tickets to a game or
movie. When it's nice and sunny outside, a picnic would be very romantic, or a
walk by the lake. Even just the simple flowers on a doorstep with a cute note
would work.
5. Spend
time with each other. You don't want to miss each
other too much. But then you don't want to spend so much time with each other
to the point they are sitting in the bathroom with you.
6. Tell
your loved one how much you love them. If you don't
do this often, they're going to feel neglected and like you don't care anymore.
7. Make
the commitment. Put your time and money where your commitment is.
Love is not always a warm fuzzy feeling. Often it is a conscious choice.
Choosing to overlook deficiencies, choosing to deal kindly rather than harshly
with mistakes, choosing to do for the other person that which you know will
make them feel special. Having someone set aside their own wishes to make you
feel special is incredibly heartwarming and flattering. Do this for your mate
and watch the relationship blossom.
What to Note:
Going
off the basis that a good long term relationship is based around love, we can
look into how love is defined. Dr. Sternberg
(a psychologist who studied love) put forth an article speaking of the
different aspects of love. In short, there are three vital components that make
up true love (or consummate love). These components are Intimacy, Passion, and
Commitment. The intimacy portion of love is that of friends; You enjoy spending
time together, and have grown rather close strictly within the realms of
"personality attraction." The passion aspect can attribute to many
relationship losses. Although physical attraction is necessary in a relationship,
this feeling does not need to be acted upon without full fulfillment of the
intimacy aspect. If you rush head-first into passion without considering the
needs of a very close friend, somebody is going to end up hurt. The final, and
equally important, aspect is that of Commitment. There are two forms of
commitment, short-term and long-term. Short-term commitment is the thought of
simply saying "I am willing to love this person" this may not involve
a necessary long term commitment, but it is the initial choice that one makes
before entering the relationship. The long-term aspect (and the one we're
discussing) is the choice to remain with said person for an extended portion of
time. When all three aspects are fulfilled, consummate love is attained.
Now
that you fully understand what love is, you can make your own assumptions as to
what you need to do.
While every aspect does not
need to be instantly attained (IE. some portions may come later in the
relationship) usually all need to be present in order to maintain a healthy
long term relationship.
Communication
can be the key. Although early on there may be nervous apprehension, this is
all part of the game. In time though, you may need to be fully frank with
someone and let them know how you feel.
Remember
to take it slowly! A long-term relationship is something to work towards, it is
not just given to you. Just make sure that neither you, nor your partner is
uncomfortable with any aspect of the relationship you are in and you'll be
fine.
Be
sure that you're with someone you really love. Don't tell yourself you're going
to be with someone forever just because you like the way their eyes are, or how
toned their abs look. If the only thing you guys have in common is that you
like cheese, it might be a good idea to find someone you can see yourself with forever.
Don't
be offended if they say something you disagree with. If they don't like the
place you want to take them to dinner, go somewhere else that you both like,
even if you might be a little tired of it.
Warnings:
You may be in
the "friend-zone" for quite a while before you get into a
relationship.
If you think
your partner is cheating, don't jump to conclusions. Look for the signs, such
hickeys you didn't give, staying at the office late (or school) late, etc. Then
don't start out with something outrageous, but confront him with something
like, "I've noticed you have a hickey, or whatever, would you like to tell
me how you got it?"
If
your partner doesn't show you how much they love you often, don't be offended.
They're probably having a few off days, or weeks, sometimes months. It's always
best to be supportive.
